Differences
by KneeDeepinInk
Summary: You do not always have to agree on the path you take, as long as you reach the end together. A little angst and a little fluff. Complete! GSR
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1-Changes**

**I do not own CSI; the characters are not mine, but I like using them for my own pleasure**

**NOTE: This is just another take on what could happen if things didn't go as planned for Gil and Sara. **

* * *

Sara Sidle sat on the edge of her bed, staring numbly down at the blue line she held in her hand; POSITIVE. She felt sick, and not the sick like she'd felt earlier that day when she'd vomited her breakfast in the kitchen sink, but the sick you get in the pit of your stomach just before you jump off a bridge. _That_ kind of sick.

The sounds surrounding her seemed to become louder and more intense in the silence of her apartment. The clock ticking on the wall, the hiss of the air conditioner as it kept the rooms cool; everything seemed so much more concentrated. She looked around her before looking back down at the pregnancy test in her hand and began to cry, how could she have let this happen? How could she have been so stupid and careless? In her entire life she never imagined herself sitting in this position; a single woman facing an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. And especially she never imagined that the father would be her own boss. God, she had really screwed up this time.

She contemplated calling into the lab, saying she had come down with something (after all that wasn't entirely untrue), and needed the night off. Then again, she knew that they would need her there, and working would at least give her a chance to forget about it for a few hours. Besides, Sara had never been sick a single day in the 6 years she had worked there, and just one call in would elicit a monumental amount of concern from her co-workers, who would insist on coming by to check on her.

She put the plastic test into her nightstand drawer, knowing she'd want to look at it again later, not that the result would change any, and got up to head into the shower. As she let the water run over her, she ran a hand over her stomach, noting that it was still nice and flat, no sign of anything different in her body. _'Maybe the test was wrong'_ she told herself, after all, she didn't look pregnant and other than a little bit of nausea on occasion she felt pretty much the same as always. She decided to buy another test and try it as soon as shift was over in the morning; the package said that first morning urine was best. She'd just hold it in all evening.

As she got dressed, she thought over the timeline. She had missed her monthly cycle a little over two weeks ago, but that didn't really tell her anything. She knew nothing about pregnancy or babies or how to calculate weeks, which scared her even more. She had no idea how long she had been pregnant at all. It wasn't as though she could pinpoint the exact day that they had had sex and go from there; they had spent so very many nights together that it would be impossible to determine.

Generally, she stayed at his townhouse the majority of the time, or he would spend the evening with her at the apartment. They had managed co-inhabiting quite well; some of her things at his home, and some of his at hers. They were very much a live-in couple, even though they didn't live together. It was complicated, just as everything else surrounding their relationship.

When they had left the lab the previous shift, he had insisted that she come home with him; she looked tired, he said, and he would give her a massage and make her something to eat. She had declined, telling him she just needed some sleep and would go to her apartment. The hurt was evident on his face; they rarely slept apart any longer. She had placated him, telling him that she just wanted to be able to stretch out and that it was a "female thing". He had nodded knowingly, kissing her softly before heading off; if only he had known what female thing it was, he would not have been so sweet. Sara imagined his reaction would be brutal and the dread of telling him was much worse than the dread of being pregnant alone.

By the time she had arrived at the lab for her shift, she had convinced herself that the test had to be wrong; she was just suffering a flu bug and her regular cycle would start up at any time. After all, she reasoned, she was under a lot of stress with work and lack of sleep and that was bound to mess with your system. She was on the pill, and other than one missed day she had been fairly consistent with her schedule. Missing one day wasn't enough to make a difference, she thought, and so she convinced herself the test was wrong.

* * *

"I'd kind of like to work with Nick tonight." Sara said as Gil handed out assignments. He had, of course, put her with him.

He looked at her momentarily, his expression unwavering. "Alright." He responded, sounding impassive. "Greg, that means you are with me."

"Yesss!" Greg exclaimed. "Quality time with the big guy…"

Gil gave him a disheartening look. "It is only quality time if both people benefit from it, Greg." He replied, glancing at Sara quickly.

"Oh, come on boss…. you know you love me."

Gil said nothing as he handed the assignments to each of them, explaining their cases briefly. He paused longer than usual in front of Sara, handing her the sheet as she looked down, busying herself with studying the paper in front of her.

Nick elbowed her. "Let's do that whole Triple Mocha Mint Slushy thing again." He said with a wink. "And nachos for lunch…gotta have the nachos."

Sara smiled without looking up, beginning to follow him out the door. She glanced at Gil only for a second before leaving, offering him a slight smile as she left. She knew he was perplexed by her insistence on working with Nick, but she felt it was the best for the evening.

They were halfway through the scene when it happened. Sara was bent over the blood pool on the floor, carefully collecting a sample when the first wave hit her. _'Oh, God…not here'_ she thought as she felt her stomach suddenly lurch to her throat. Standing up quickly, she was overcome with a rush of dizziness as she ran out the backdoor, barely making it to a row of hedges before she became sick all over them. She barely got the first round out when the second one hit and she could feel her legs trembling.

"Hey…" Came Nick's voice from the patio door. "You…aren't so good?"

'_Please go away, Nick'_ She pleaded in her head, trying to take deep breaths. "I, uh….I guess I have the flu or something."

"You need me to call someone else in?" He asked with genuine concern.

"No, just give me a minute." She responded as another wave hit her and she vomited once again. "Oh, God…I can't believe I just puked all over the crime scene…"

"Well," He said, trying hard to lighten the mood. "At least you did it out here and not inside."

She stood upright, nodding. "Would you mind grabbing my water?"

He brought her the water and a napkin, watching her closely as she sipped the liquid. "You okay?"

Nodding, she smiled. The nausea was completely gone. "I'm good….I need some gum…or a breath mint, but I am good."

They went back in and finished processing the scene, spending another three hours in the home before turning it over to the coroner. Before heading back to the lab, Nick stayed true to his word and stopped by the local convenience store for slushies and nachos. They made it three blocks before Sara made him pull over, rushing from the SUV to heave hers all over the ground.

As she climbed back in the truck, he was watching her carefully, the concern clear on his face. "Should I drop you off at your place?" He asked her. "You really shouldn't be working when you're sick, you know."

She lay her head against the cool glass of the window, closing her eyes. She really did not feel well. "My car's at the lab..."

"I could come and get you tomorrow before shift." He offered. "Sara, you're never sick. You should probably just go home and rest; we're done with the scene, I can turn the evidence in."

"Okay." She said quietly, her head still pressed against the glass. They drove to her apartment in silence, Sara trying to concentrate on keeping her stomach contents in her stomach. She could feel the cold sweat on her forehead and knew that if she talked, she'd probably end up sick again.

Nick pulled into a parking spot in front of her apartment complex and looked over at her. "You gonna be okay, Sar?"

She nodded as she slowly sat up. "I'll be fine." She opened the door, smiling at him slightly.

"No offense, but I sure hope you're not contagious." He returned her smile with his own broad one.

She climbed out, looking at him. "Don't worry Nicky. I don't think you can catch what I have."

* * *

The sound of the door opening woke Sara up four hours later. She had gotten into her apartment just in time to experience the dry heaves, showering after and then collapsing on her bed and falling into a deep, hard sleep. She heard Gil in kitchen, rummaging through her refrigerator before he came into the bedroom to check on her. She kept her eyes closed, trying her best to look asleep. She felt his hand on her forehead, checking for fever before he bent down to plant a gentle kiss on her temple.

He showered and then came back in, gently lying down next to her and wrapping his arms around her body, pulling her close. She snuggled against him, enjoying the feel of his chest along her back. "Honey," He said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

She moaned. "I'm tired..."

His hand rubbed her arm in a soft soothing pattern. "Can I get you anything?"

"Nooo..." She groaned. "Just sleep..."

"Alright." He leaned over her, kissing her softly before lying back down to hold her in his arms. His one arm wrapped around her, landing his hand on the small of her stomach. Sara opened her eyes, a rush of dread overtaking her as she wondered what he would say if he knew what was going on inside her body beneath his hand. She felt too tired at the moment to really worry about it, and so fell asleep telling herself that she had the flu and nothing more.

* * *

Three days later, Sara sat in a little room in her doctor's office, staring at the little photograph in her hand; it looked almost like a blob, but they insisted that there would eventually be discernible features. In a few months, they said, you would be able to see a little hand and a foot; even fingers.

_Fingers_.

She was pregnant, it was confirmed; she had pictures. Her doctor came in smiling at her. "Well, Sara" He began as he pulled a stool up next to her. "Everything in the ultra sound looks great. The pregnancy appears to be a normal one and the fetus is healthy." He grabbed a pad from the drawer. "I know we felt that based on your last menstrual cycle that you would be approximately 8 weeks along. However, based on the ultrasound and the physical, you are actually just over 12 weeks."

She stared at him. "But, I had my period..."

He nodded. "Yes, two months ago. But, you said that it was lighter and shorter than usual. A lot of women will experience that in the very early stages of the first trimester and that is why we did the ultrasound today, just to make sure things were moving along okay."

"So…" she began in a daze. "How long? I mean, before..." she faltered, looking for words.

"Your expected delivery date is August 27th" He assured her. "The date may change some as you get further along and we do another ultrasound, but it should only change a week either way."

_Delivery date. _Sara felt the tears in her eyes as she looked back down at the picture. 12-weeks...3 months. How could she not have known that for the last three months she was growing another person inside her? Aren't women supposed to just know that stuff?

Her doctor placed a hand on hers. "This was not planned?" he asked gently

She shook her head slowly. "No...we, uh...I used the pill." She shrugged. "We're not even married."

"Would you like to discuss your options?" He asked seriously

Options? "There aren't any options." She told him flatly. True, she had a few options. She could choose an abortion and no one would ever know she had been pregnant, she could carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption, or she could just be a mom. Sara was adamantly opposed to abortion and the idea of having one herself had never crossed her mind. Planned or not, this baby was a part of her and so she felt her only option was to be a mom, ready or not.

The doctor wrote her a prescription for prenatal vitamins and additional supplements, telling her the importance of using them both, especially since she was a vegetarian. Once she was in her car, she stared down at the ultrasound pictures they had given her, studying the little image on the paper. She felt some excitement as she studied it and smiled. "Well," She said to the little person growing within her. "You may look like a peanut blob right now...but you're my peanut blob and I guess we are just going to have to get used to each other." Putting the pictures carefully into her purse she pulled out of the parking lot, deciding to treat herself to a big breakfast at the closest restaurant she could find. For the first time in many days, Sara felt genuinely hungry.

She walked into the lab feeling elated. She knew she still had to tell Gil, but for some reason she wasn't concerned. She had seen pictures, she was really pregnant, and the idea of a little squirming person had replaced her dread with excitement. She had no idea what they would do, how they would handle it, or what he would say, but at that moment she did not care; she just wanted to relish in her moment of bliss.

She worked on her own for a few hours processing some evidence, since everyone else was still in the field. She had gotten out early for her appointment and told Gil she'd meet them back at the lab. She was just logging in some fingerprint data when she felt the all-too-familiar rush of nausea and charged into the locker room.

Catherine Willows turned in her evidence, wiping the back of her hand over her tired eyes. It had been a long shift. She went into the locker room and was just taking off her vest when she heard someone crying from the adjacent stalls. Walking in carefully, she pushed a door open to find Sara sitting on the floor next to the toilet, back against the metal frame of the stall. She had tears on her cheeks and her skin was pale white.

"Sara?" Catherine asked. "You alright?"

Sara looked up at her and began crying all over again. "Oh, God...Catherine..." She coughed as she leaned forward over the toilet, heaving harshly. She collapsed back down, shaking horribly. "I think I've vomited up my whole breakfast and there is just nothing left anymore..."

"You're still sick?" Catherine asked.

Sara nodded as she cried. "I just want to get this part over with..." She said as she grabbed the toilet again. She retched a few times, finally collapsing back against the stall.

"Uhm..." Catherine tried. "Can I get you anything..."

"Could you grab my purse?" Sara asked. "I have some crackers in there...they might help. At least give me something to throw up..." She tried a smile.

Catherine nodded, heading to Sara's locker for her purse. She grabbed it out and turned to head to Sara when the strap caught, dumping the contents onto the floor. Cursing, Catherine bent down to pick up the spilled items when she noticed the photographs. Picking them up she gazed at them, realization hitting her. She walked into the stall, standing over Sara with the pictures in hand. "Sara..." She said in disbelief. "You're pregnant?"

Sara looked up at her, her eyes growing wide before a new rush of tears poured out. She nodded as she began to sob. "Catherine...please don't tell anyone, please?"

Catherine slid down to sit across from her, staring between Sara and the photos. She shook her head. "No, of course I won't Sara...but...how long have you known?"

"I found out today." Sara cried. "That's why I went to the doctor..." She wiped at her eyes.

Catherine was studying the picture. "Wow…a baby…" Glancing up at Sara, she noted the desperation in the younger woman's eyes. "Does the father know?"

Sara had had her knees pulled up against her chest and at the sound of the question she put her head down against them, covering her face with her arms as she sobbed. Catherine watched her a moment. "I take that as a no." She said softly, waiting a few moments for Sara to regain her composure. "I didn't even know you were seeing anyone….how do you think he'll react?"

Sara wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I don't know, Catherine." She sniffled. "Neither one of us expected this….I mean, he's got his career, I have mine." More tears poured out as she talked. "He's older than I am; I don't think he was planning on ever having children…."

"Are you two pretty committed to each other? I mean, are you a solid couple?"

"Mostly…" Sara sighed. "Kind of. This just isn't part of the plan, not that there really ever was a plan…but, I care about him a lot, and I think he really cares about me. I just don't know what this is going to do to us"

Catherine nodded knowingly. "Are you keeping it?"

Sara's head snapped up at her. "What? Of course…that's the only thing I can do."

Catherine looked back at the pictures, amazed that Sara Sidle was actually pregnant. That she had even risked unprotected sex, had done something risky and even remotely wrong. The fact that she had been dating someone, and especially an older man, was fascinating in a sad way. "Well, you have to tell him then." She said as she handed the pictures to Sara. "How far along are you?"

Sara told her about the ultrasound and the due date, explaining to her about the horrible morning sickness and how she had tried three separate home pregnancy tests before finally seeing a doctor. Catherine was smiling at her. "When I found out I was pregnant with Lindsey," She began. "I did the same thing…four home pregnancy tests and then the doctor. And even then I didn't fully believe him until I saw the ultrasound."

"Was Eddie happy?" Sara asked. "I mean, when you told him?"

"We got married." Catherine shrugged. "Kind of a rush job and obviously it didn't last…but, he was happy after the first initial shock."

"So, he didn't get angry with you?"

"Not entirely." Catherine smiled. "He got drunk, and then he asked me to marry him and of course I said yes, even though I knew no…do you think that your guy will be angry with you?"

"I think I might ruin his life." Sara said honestly. "No one knows anything about us; no one even knows that either of us are in a relationship, but I guess this will change that."

"Well," Catherine stood up, reaching down to help Sara to her feet. "You're going to have to tell him soon because in another month you won't be able to hide it anymore."

Sara nodded. "I know…" She reached out and hugged Catherine, catching the older woman by surprise. "Thank you, Catherine…and please don't tell anyone." She pulled away to look at her. "Especially not Grissom…I, uh…I am not ready to deal with that right now"

"You got it." Catherine smiled as they headed out to the lockers. She remembered when she had woke up in a hotel room after a night out, fearing that she had been raped. The first person she had called was Sara; it wasn't that they were good friends, but she knew that she could trust her to keep her secret. And she had; and now it was time for Catherine to return the favor.

* * *

Sara rushed about her apartment, cleaning every little corner and organizing all of her things. She had no idea why, the place was already clean, but she was nervous. She had been to her doctor over a week ago and it was time to tell Gil about the pregnancy; cleaning kept her mind busy.

Their week had been good and she really had no reason for not telling him earlier. They had spent every evening together after leaving the lab and Sara's morning sickness had seemed to completely evaporate; she was thankful for that. There were several times that they had lay in bed together after making love, wrapped in each others arms, that Sara had wanted to tell him. She was just afraid of ruining the moment.

She had just finished up the kitchen when Gil came in, arms loaded with Thai food from down the road and a bouquet of fresh lilies for her. "You know," He said setting the table while she put the flowers in a vase of water. "The one's at my place are wilted. We should probably replace those as well."

She smiled at him, setting the vase on the counter. "You'll go broke just buying me flowers. We probably don't need them at both places."

"But they are a symbol of you." He said with a smile. "And I just happen to like you." He kissed her cheek as she came to the table, sitting opposite him.

Sara ate in silence for a few moments, glancing at him occasionally. "Hey, Gil?" He looked up at her. "Uhm...after we eat...uh..." She took a deep breath. "We, uh, we really need to talk."

"We can talk now." He offered, taking a bite of his green curry chicken.

"Uh...no..." She tried to smile at him. "I think after we eat...at least for this...is best..."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay...is this about that experiment I left in the fridge at my place? Because I said I was sorry." He had an honest amused tone to his voice that she normally found endearing.

"I threw up my entire salad." She reminded him. "No one I know keeps a frog's brain in their refrigerator to see how long it takes to rot...well, no one besides you." She smiled at him, shaking her head at the memory.

He grinned back and shrugged. They continued chatting while they ate, cleaning up together before he headed for the shower. Sara paced her living room nervously, wringing her hands and feeling that jumping-off-a-bridge sick again. She had no idea how she was going to do this, but the changes in her body forced her into action.

Gil came out of the shower in sweats and a T-shirt, wrapping his arms around her from behind. He kissed her cheek as he breathed her in. "You always smell so nice, Sara."

She felt herself leaning into him, the desire building in her before she pulled away to turn and face him. "We need to talk, Gil." She grabbed his hand and led him to the couch where they sat down facing each other. Taking a deep breath, she began. "How do you feel about me, Gil?"

He stared at her, studying her face as he had done so many times before when she asked him a difficult question. "You make me happy, Sara." He replied. "You know that..."

"No." She shook her head. "I don't mean how I make you _feel_, I mean how do you feel about _me_?"

"Sara, you know how I feel about you." He said softly, taking her hand.

"No, I don't." She said firmly. "I need to know, Gil...I need to know what I mean to you."

He raised an eyebrow, before squinting slightly in a thoughtful expression, pursing his lips. "What is this all about?"

"You're not going to answer the question?" She pulled her hand away, watching his face. He looked down and she could see the power struggle going on inside him; he really didn't know how to answer her. After he didn't say anything, she sighed. "I guess you basically just told me everything I need to know."

"Sara..." He began, trying desperately to find the words he needed. "You make me happy. You make me feel good, you are everything to me and I...I really..." He sighed, shrugging. "I am not very good at this."

"Okay..." She breathed. "Well...Gil..." She faltered, meeting his eyes. She could feel the tears in hers as the wall of dread expanded in her stomach. "I don't know how to tell you this..."

"Tell me what, Honey?" He asked, taking her hand again.

She glanced down, lifting her eyes slowly to meet his. "I'm pregnant, Gil."

Silence. He stared at her as the thundering quiet surrounded them. Sara could hear her heart thumping as he gazed at her. "Gil?"

He dropped her hand, rubbing his own down his face. "_What?_"

Sara felt the tears slide down her cheeks; he was angry. She had expected many things, but not angry. "I...uh..." She swallowed. "I'm pregnant..."

He was staring at her, the expression on his face one of wariness. He stood up, walking across the room as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweats. He paced a moment, stopping in front of a portrait on the wall before turning around to face her; the look on his face told her that this was not going to go well. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I went to the doctor..."

"How could you be pregnant?" He demanded, cutting her off. "Sara, what the hell?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but couldn't, feeling the tears welling up inside her. "Please, Gil...this isn't my fault."

"You're _pregnant_." He spat out, running a hand through his hair.

"I _know_, Gil!" She retorted. "Please don't raise your voice..."

He was pacing again, becoming more agitated as he did so. "How far along?"

"Almost 14-weeks." She said quietly

He turned around. "_14-weeks?_" He snapped. "Shit, Sara!...shit..." He took a deep breath. "You knew you were pregnant for nearly four months and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't know...not until last week, Gil. Not for sure."

"_Not for sure?"_ He seethed, trying to keep his voice below yelling. "You're nearly four months pregnant, Sara. For God's sake, how do you not know?"

"I don't..." She began, but he reeled on her.

"We can't have a child Sara!" He yelled. "_WE_...aren't even supposed to _BE_... What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't..." She tried again, the tears rushing out.

"No, of course you weren't!" He continued. "Do you have _any_ idea what this is going to do to my career? To your career?"

"No one has to know." She said, trying to stop her tears from falling.

"How can they not know, Sara?!" He demanded. "You are almost four months pregnant for crying out loud! Shit, I cannot believe this!" He went to the counter, grabbing his keys and his wallet.

"Where are you going?" She asked him, standing up

He held a hand out towards her, stopping her. "I can't deal with this, Sara." He said. "I cannot have a child...I do not _want_ a child...I thought you knew that."

"I didn't plan this, Gil..." She was crying hard. "Please...I can't do this alone..."

He opened the door, eyeing her sadly. "Then you should have thought of that before." He left, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2Standing Alone

**Chapter 2: Standing Alone**

**I do not own CSI; CBS does. None of the characters are mine. Thanks to CBS for these great characters**

Sara called into work that night telling Janey, the receptionist, that she was very ill and would she please let her 'boss' know. Janey's voice was full of concern; after all, Sara Sidle never missed a day of work.

After Gil had left she had cried for what seemed an eternity. She never expected him to be angry and never dreamed that he would walk out on her. She told herself he needed time, it was a pretty big bombshell to take all at once, and he would call her or come back. They would work through this somehow. She herself had needed a few weeks to get used to the idea and she reasoned that he would need the same. Still, his reaction had upset her and she felt that not going into work was the safest choice for the evening.

By the second evening, he still had not called or stopped by and again she called into the lab. For the first time since finding out she was pregnant, Sara noticed that her flat stomach was filling out and she could smooth her hand over the bump that was forming there; her body was changing rapidly. Going through her clothes, she found that all she could really wear were her sweatpants, which she had been virtually living in since Gil left. She decided to go shopping for some new clothes, knowing it would be awhile before she could wear anything in her closet again.

She ended up at a 24-hour super department store, browsing through the racks for anything that would fit. Somewhat reluctantly, she made her way to the maternity section, glancing at the outfits with foreboding. She picked out a few blouses that she could wear now and others that she would need in a month or so, choosing pants off of the regular racks that she felt she could wear below the growing bulge in her abdomen.

She was heading to the checkout when she saw the baby section, a natural urge overtaking her, as she felt drawn to it. Before she realized it, Sara spent over an hour looking at the small clothes, the blankets, toys, bedding, and bottles. She felt the dread in her stomach again when she thought of Gil._ 'I don't want a child'_ She tried hard to shake his words and felt tears in her eyes as she picked up a little bear, its soft fur perfect for a tiny little crib. Putting it into the cart, she made her way along the aisles, filling the cart with little booties and blankets and bottles. She tried to choose colors that were neutral since she had no idea whether this child was a girl or a boy. She made up her mind then and there that she would have to find out; there were so many cute baby things and she wanted to buy them all, but she needed to know what color first.

She loaded everything into her apartment, cleaning out a section of her closet to put the baby's things in. She would need a bigger apartment, this one was only a one bedroom with little room for a crib or any of the other things a baby would require. She decided to talk to her landlord first thing in the morning about changing into a 2-bedroom, but for now, she was happy to be making space for the baby; _her_ baby. She placed a hand on her abdomen, noting how it was rounding out; she still could not believe how fast she had gone from not looking pregnant at all, to looking quite pregnant indeed.

She tried on some of the new clothes, checking herself in the mirror. She felt that she could hide the bump well, it wasn't too large yet, and she would deal with the expansion of it as time went by. Changing into sweats and a tank top for sleep, she checked her voice messages, noting she had missed one since she had left her phone home while she shopped. Flipping it open, she hit play and listened as Gil's voice came on the recording.

"_I really hope you are planning on coming in tomorrow, Sara."_ He scolded. _"This is not acceptable. We need you here and unless you are deathly ill, I expect you here next shift."_ There was a click as he disconnected and Sara felt like he'd kicked her in the stomach.

Feeling her excitement over the shopping experience dissolve, Sara began crying. She hated crying, and it seemed like she'd done a lot of it in the last few weeks. Lying on the couch, she let herself go, crying until she fell asleep hugging a pillow to her chest.

* * *

"Sara!" Greg exclaimed happily when she walked into the break room the following evening. He ran over, giving her a hug. "I am soooo glad you came in." He pulled back, whispering. "It has been hell around here..."

Warrick was smiling at her. "How you feelin', Girl?" He asked.

She nodded. "Good. Fine..."

"I'll tell ya, Sar" Nick said as he put the newspaper down. "You picked a good time to be sick. Grissom's been riding our asses like crazy."

She nodded again. "He's been grumpy?"

"No." Nick responded. "He's been a complete ass." He looked at Greg with a smile. "That guy needs to get laid."

'_Oh, God'_ Sara thought as she choked on a sip of water. Greg and Nick were laughing at her and Warrick just grinned as Catherine came in. She looked at Sara, coming over to rub a friendly hand on her back.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, eyeing her knowingly.

"I am much better today, Catherine. Thank you."

"Just try not to over do it." Catherine suggested. "We need you here, trust me. Grissom has been just beyond anal..."

As if on cue, he walked into the room, stopping short when he saw Sara. She turned around with Catherine to face him, feeling her cheeks blaze as she caught his eye. He kept her gaze with a level glare of his own, walking into the room with their assignments. "I see you decided to come to work?" He asked coldly.

Her face flushed more. "I was sick..."

"Uhm-huh..." He said with sarcasm. "Next time you need time off, I'll find someone to replace you."

Catherine's mouth dropped at the comment. Why was he being such a jerk? She was about to say something to him when he handed her some paperwork with case assignments. "You get Sara." He said with finality, avoiding the younger woman's discomfort at his stinging threat. "She's on your team from now on."

Catherine looked over at Sara, seeing the look on her face. She looked like a wounded animal and the tears in her eyes were evident, even though she tried not to show them. "What is your problem, Grissom?"

"Nothing Catherine." He replied with the same coldness. "I just will not work with someone I cannot trust..." He looked at Sara before laying out his team's assignments, calling Nick and Greg out the door with him.

On the way out, Nick stopped next to Sara, putting a hand on her arm. "You alright?" She nodded, trying to avoid the stares of the people in the room. "What was that all about, Sar?"

She was going to respond when Gil came to the door, glaring at all of them. "_Now_." He said to Greg and Nick, who reluctantly followed him out of the room.

* * *

Conrad Ecklie sat in his office, going over case files that Gil and Catherine's teams had turned in over the last few weeks. He picked up Sara Sidle's file, opening it up to find Gil's Letter of Recommended Transfer on top; puzzled, he read the form noting that Gil listed _'differing opinion on crime scene processing' _and _'will flourish more pragmatically under different leadership' _as his reasons for the transfer. He wondered how much of it had to do with Sidle's attitude and defiance to authority.

As he was signing the sheet, he was alerted by a knock on the door, looking up to see Sara herself standing in the door frame, holding a file. "Do you have a minute?" She asked nervously.

"Is this about your transfer?" He chided, holding up the form.

"What?" She asked momentarily confused. "Oh...no...no it's not."

" Come in, Sidle." He motioned to her to enter. "What have you got?"

"Uhm..." She walked towards him, handing him the file. "I have a medical form?" She said it as a question rather than a statement. "And, uh...well, you need to review it."

"Medical form?" He asked as he took it from her. "What is it for?" He opened it to begin scanning it, his eyes drawn immediately to the line listing her condition. "Is this a joke, Sidle?" He asked looking up at her.

She felt her cheeks flush. "I'm uh...I'm afraid not."

He stared at her a moment. "Sit down, Sara." He waited as she complied and finished looking over her form. "Does your doctor have any issues with you working through the pregnancy?"

She shook her head. "No. Not that he mentioned."

He nodded. "Good." He picked up a pen and signed the form, knowing she would need his signature for maternity leave and medical compensation. Handing the form back to her he asked, "You are not seeing anyone, are you?"

Her face became redder at the question. "Uhm...I am...was...it's complicated."

Again, he nodded at her. "Understood." He sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"Can you try and keep this confidential?" She asked him. "I don't really want the whole lab knowing about this... Not yet. I was going to wait, actually, to turn the form in but I have already been to the doctor..."

"Don't worry, Sidle." He smiled slightly. "I have never had a pregnant CSI before; you realize that as you get closer to your due date, I cannot send you into the field as much?"

She nodded. "Yeah...I figure I'll just do process." She stood up, hanging onto the file tightly. "Thank you, Ecklie...for not freaking out."

He eyed her levelly. "I am sure that you have freaked out enough on your own without me doing it also." She smiled, turning to go before he called out to her. "Hey Sidle?"

She stopped, looking back at him. "Yeah?"

"I hope that your...relationship...gets better." He said kindly. "I hope that the guy who helped you do this is a good one."

She smiled sadly. "He used to be."

* * *

Gil watched as Sara left Ecklie's office, noting the way that she was clinging to the folder in her hand. She stopped in front of the laboratory, saying something to Greg who turned to her with a smile. Gil studied Sara's figure, noting the light blue blouse she wore that hung loosely around her abdomen; wondering what shape her body was beneath it.

He couldn't help but still be amazed at her subtle beauty; there was something about her that he had found utterly intriguing. She had her hair in a braid this evening, a tight French style one that he had never seen her wear before and he found himself wondering what the braid would feel like to the touch.

He was angry with her, there was no doubt about it. There was also no doubt that he wasn't ready to accept that she was carrying his child, mostly because he wasn't ready to accept that he could have a child. He had trusted Sara intimately, had taken her word when she assured him she was 'on the pill'; that trust had evaporated when she told him she was pregnant. How could she be pregnant when she was on the pill? It didn't make logical sense.

As he watched, Nick came up to her and draped an arm around her shoulders, whispering something that made her laugh. Greg exited the laboratory and joined them, grabbing his coat as he switched off the light. They began to walk out and Greg looked over at him, waving slightly as they walked. Briefly, Sara looked his direction, locking eyes with his. Her eyes were full of sadness and confusion, and Gil looked away, knowing that the look in his own eyes belayed the overwhelming anger he still felt. When he glanced back up, she was gone, disappearing into the night.

* * *

After shift the following evening, Sara made her way to the parking garage, relieved to have the shift over. She and Warrick had worked a double homicide, one of the victims having been a child of only three. It had bothered Sara immensely and she found herself crying as they bagged the body of the tiny little boy, running from the house to wait for Warrick in the truck.

She got to her car, unlocking the doors as her eyes caught something in the back seat. Perplexed, she opened the door to find boxes of her belongings stacked inside, along with a sealed envelope. She grabbed the envelope out, climbing into the front seat to open it. Dumping the contents into her hand, she found the spare set of keys for her apartment and a small note from Gil.

_Sara_

_Please leave my items in my office when you get a chance. I'll leave your other car key in your locker_

_Gil_

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, Sara began to sob. She sat in her car all alone and cried, feeling as though someone was ripping her chest apart. It hurt so badly. A knock on the window made her jump, scaring her as she dropped the note to the floor. She looked over to see Catherine, looking at her with concern. "Sara?" Catherine asked through the closed door. "What happened?"

Sara opened the car door, looking up at her. "He put all my stuff in my car... She sniffled. "He wants all of his things back..." She began to cry again. "I am trying so hard, Catherine...I don't know what I am supposed to do...I don't want him to leave me..."

Catherine kneeled down next to her, putting a hand on hers. "Sara, I am so sorry." She said soothingly, trying to comfort her. "Men are jerks..."

"But he isn't!" Sara sobbed. "He's always been so sweet to me. Why would he do this?"

Catherine shrugged. "Maybe he's scared?" She tried. "Sara, is this guy married?"

Sara looked at her, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "No...no...he's never been...he just...I don't know why he is doing this." She took a deep breath to steady her sobs. "I think he is afraid of people finding out; he could lose his job..."

"How could he lose his job because of this, Sara?" Catherine asked. "That is just ridiculous...he's just feeding you full of B.S."

Sara shook her head. "No..." She whispered. "You don't understand, Catherine...the father is..." She shook her head. "Never mind...it's okay. I'll be okay..."

Catherine watched her carefully. "Hey, Sofia and I are going out to get some pedicures and have some ice cream." She said "We're going to grab Lindsey on the way and head to the mall, you want to come? It'll be fun."

"I don't think I'd be much fun..." Sara said with a small smile.

"It'll take your mind of things." Catherine said. "Come on, it'll be great."

After a few moments, Sara nodded. "Okay." She said. "Can you pick me up at my place...I, uhm...I have to unload all of this stuff."

Once Catherine walked away, Sara started her car and sat taking a few deep breaths before exiting the parking garage. If Gil wanted his stuff, she'd give it to him, but he just might have a tough time explaining to everyone why his personal belongings were lying in a broken heap in front of his office. But, she figured, that just wasn't her problem anymore.

* * *

True to her word, Catherine picked Sara up exactly two hours later. They headed to the ice cream shop first, Lindsey insisting that she was starving. As they sat enjoying their ice cream, Catherine elbowed Sara. "So, why don't you tell Sofia?"

"Tell me what?" Sofia asked, taking a bite of her sundae.

Sara looked at Catherine, seeing an encouraging nod. "Uhm.." She smiled with embarrassment. "I'm going to have a baby."

Sofia dropped her spoon, staring at her in amazement before grinning. "Really?" She exclaimed, jumping up to lean across and hug Sara. "Oh, my God...congratulations!" She sat back down, seeing the look on Sara's face. "This is congratulations, right?"

"Yeah," Sara smiled at her. "For me anyway...for the dad? Not so much."

"Wow..." Sofia was staring at her, her eyes aglow with amazement. "That is just amazing, Sara...I mean...I'm sorry about the dad part, but...wow, Sara..."

Lindsey was grinning also. "How big are you?" She asked

"Oh, not too big yet Linds." Sara replied as Catherine pushed her towards the edge of the seat.

"Stand up." She goaded. "Show us..."

Embarrassed, Sara did as she was asked, lifting her shirt just slightly so that they could see her swollen middle. "Oh, my gosh..." Sofia said with excitement, standing up to put her hand on Sara's stomach. "How far along?"

"I'm about 15 weeks." Sara told her. "Almost four months."

Sofia giggled as Catherine stood up next to Sara looking down at her stomach. "I don't know..." She said. "I think they may have to recalculate that, Sara...you are pretty big for only 15 weeks..."

"Twins." Lindsey said excitedly. "I bet you're having twins."

Catherine began to laugh. "Now, twins would explain your size." She said, catching the terrified look in Sara's eyes. "That or you are just further along than they think."

Sara put her shirt back down, sitting down again to grab her ice cream. "I had the ultrasound." She pouted. "There's only one in there."

"Ah, but _maybe_..." Sofia said, sitting across from her again. "Sometimes the early ultrasounds do not always pick up two fetuses, you know."

Sara started to laugh. "Okay, okay..." She said, holding up her hand. "I'm going to pretend that none of you ever said that."

They all laughed finishing their ice cream before heading to the mall. Sara had to admit that she was glad she had come along and was equally glad that she wasn't going to hide the pregnancy any longer. She didn't have to tell anyone who the father was and as long as no one pushed the issue, she was happy to just pretend that he was thrilled at the idea of being a father. She could fool herself into believing that someday he would be waiting for her at home, ready to welcome their child into his life as he had once welcomed her.

After all, fantasizing about being wanted was so much easier than accepting that you may never have been in the first place.


	3. 3   Realities

**Chapter 3: Realities**

**I do not own CSI; the characters are not mine, but I like using them for my own pleasure**

Catherine had given Sara four days off so that she could pack up and get ready to move to a larger apartment. She had asked Nick and Greg to help her move, and they would be coming by later that evening. She finished packing all of Gil's things into a few boxes, making sure that she included the wilted lilies he had bought her a few weeks before. She hadn't intended on keeping them, she just hadn't gotten around to throwing them out. She thought, personally, that they made a nice topper for their situation.

He said that lilies were a symbol of her, so she figured wilted lilies should be a symbol of what he had done to her.

She loaded it all into her car, being sure not to dump the boxes onto the ground. Arriving at the lab, she was careful to be sure no one detected her as she loaded a cart with his belongings, pushing them into the building and straight to his office. She contemplated her actions only momentarily before taking each box and dumping the contents into a pile directly before his doorway, taking the lilies and dropping them onto the top of the heap. She looked down, satisfied with the mess she'd made before putting the cart away and heading back out to the parking garage

She was, officially, four months pregnant that day and could no longer fit into her regular clothes. She was able to wear jeans that came to just below her abdomen, thankful that the rest of her figure was not expanding as rapidly as her torso. The blouse she wore was somewhat snug around her middle and she knew that her condition was becoming obvious.

She was just backing out of her spot as Gil pulled in, looking over at her as he parked his car along side of hers. Sara felt the rush of heat surge through her as she realized what she had just done, and pulled out quickly before he climbed out of the car. There would be hell to pay, she knew that, and his wrath would probably be great, but until she reported to shift the following evening she didn't want to think about what he would say to her, let alone what he would do.

* * *

Gil stared at the pile in front of his office door; unsure whether what he was feeling was anger or just plain irritation. He was tired, he hadn't slept in days and the last thing he needed was another mess to deal with. He thought that his heart had stopped beating when he saw Sara, and the look on her face told him she had felt the same. Still, it did not change their situation. Grabbing some boxes from the supply closet, he began picking up his items, stopping when he saw the lilies on top of his CD collection.

He knelt down and picked them up, staring at the wilted flowers. He thought of Sara and how she loved lilies, her face always lighting up whenever he brought her home a bouquet. He felt a twinge in him when he remembered the night he'd brought her these particular flowers; the night that everything fell apart. If only they could have kept things the way they were, everything would be alright and she would still be with him; but a baby changed everything, planned or not.

There was no feasible way that he could be a father; he was too old for it and he did not have time. He cared about Sara, more than he thought he would, but there was no possible way that he was even remotely ready or willing to accept her pregnancy. He knew, of course, that eventually it would come down to a choice and it was a choice he was not ready to make; and the animosity he felt towards Sara for forcing him into that choice was greatly overshadowing the love he thought he had for her.

Initially, he thought that there was no way he could father a child and that thought still clouded his mind, bringing with it images of Sara with someone else. She wouldn't cheat, would she? If she did, who with? Somehow his mind went to Nick...or even Greg...but it always ended up with some other man. He had trusted her, intimately, and now he felt completely exposed. Then again, he wondered if perhaps Sara just planned the entire thing and so had spent the last few nights researching pregnancy and the pill, desperately trying to find anything that would tell him that this was just an accident; that she had not done it deliberately. They had spent, over the last six months, nearly every night together; Sara's insatiable sexual appetite bringing him to the verge of exhaustion. Was that part of the plan?

Logically as a scientist, his mind told him that the pill is not 100 reliable, that there is always a chance of pregnancy, although those chances were very low. However, also logically, he knew that even in women who missed one or two pills a cycle, they were very unlikely to become pregnant, and women who missed ten pills had a 1 in 10 chance of ovulating; increasing their chances of pregnancy only slightly. Somehow Gil suspected Sara of just not taking the pills at all; and that is what infuriated him.

He wasn't ready to be a father and she was not going to trap him into it; no matter how much he cared for her.

He carried the flowers into his office, depositing them into the wastebasket before going back out and picking up the remainder of his things. He was thankful that he had come in early for shift so that no one else would see the piled mess his life had become; and he was especially thankful that no one was there to see the tears in his eyes as he picked up the discarded remnants of his life with Sara.

* * *

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." Nick said as he stared at Sara. When she had told him on the phone that she had something important to tell him, he figured she was going to say that she had bought a piano he had to move or something; not that she was pregnant. She lifted her sweatshirt, showing them her swollen belly. To Nick, it looked like she was just bloated from bad broccoli or something, not like she had a person living in there.

"No." Sara smiled. "I'm not kidding…I am already four months."

"But…" Greg started, perplexed. "Don't you have to have sex to get pregnant?"

"Funny." She said, smacking his arm.

"No, really." He insisted. "I mean, you're not even seeing anyone…so how could you get pregnant?"

Sara sighed; here we go again. "I _was_ seeing someone." She explained. "It got…complicated…he left…and here I am."

"Your guy left you?" Nick exclaimed. "Pregnant? What kind of a jerk is he?"

"A pretty big one at this point." She sighed. "But, I can't think about that too much right now, I mean, I'm going to have a kid."

"Sara Sidle pregnant." Greg shook his head. "The things Vegas does to people…"

Nick took Sara into his arms, hugging her close. "Well, I am happy for you." He said as he kissed the top of her head. "I'd like to kick some sense into the guy that did this, but I am still happy for you."

"Well, I for one would be thrilled if you were having my baby." Greg said with a smile, his face turning bright red as he realized what he said. "I mean…if we were a couple that is."

"Why are you still denying it, Greg?" Sara asked, feigning distress. "Our love child needs his father…"

Greg's face turned an even brighter red as Nick began to laugh. "Please don't put that image in my head." He said, elbowing Greg hard. "Come on, dreamer...let's get this couch moved."

They finished moving all of Sara's things to her new apartment, which was thankfully on the same floor. She bought them all pizza afterwards and they sat watching the Monday Night Football game on the couch that sat in the middle of piles of boxes. As they watched the game, Greg tried to come up with names for Sara's baby, picking names from the players on the screen. He seemed to settle on Hubert, thinking it was appropriate for a 'brainiac'. Sara laughed at him, asking what she should name the baby if it were a girl and he thought momentarily before naming the poor little thing Chastity for "What you should have been wearing when this happened…"

* * *

By the time Sara returned to work the following evening, everyone at the lab was abuzz with the news of her pregnancy. By the time shift was half over, Sara had grown tired of explaining why the father was nowhere around; several times she had wanted to just tell them to march into Grissom's office and ask him themselves. She was heading towards the laboratory when he came up beside her, stopping her mid-stride. "We need to talk." He said simply, taking her elbow and leading her inside his office, closing the door behind him and making sure that the blinds were closed. "Have a seat, Sara."

She stood, frozen in place. "I think I'll stand." She said, knowing it would be faster to make a run for it if things got out of control.

He sighed, looking her over. She watched as his eyes grazed her face, smoothing down her body to stop over her abdomen and she wondered what he was thinking. He looked back up at her face, his eyes catching with hers. "Sara," He began. "We need to sort this out…everyone here knows…we have to make a decision."

He said it as though they were making an auto deal, trying to decide which color of minivan to purchase. "I already have made a decision." She responded. "I have no idea what you are doing, but…"

"You can't have a baby alone." He snapped suddenly.

"Well, obviously I can't have one with you either." She retorted. "So what else am I supposed to do?"

"Sara…" He was getting frustrated. "I am fifteen years older than you; this just won't work."

"Wow." She said dryly. "That didn't seem to bother you when we were making this baby…or any other time we had sex. Funny you should have a revelation now."

He glared at her, counting to ten; he was losing his temper. "Sara, I do not want to get into this here."

"Why?" She pushed. "Because you're afraid the lab will find out that you are the father? At least then they would quit asking me about it, 'cause I gotta tell you, Gil, I'm tired of making excuses."

"I didn't have a choice in this, Sara!" He snapped angrily. "You didn't ask me if I wanted this, you didn't even _consider_ me when you did this, so I don't know what the hell it is you want from me."

"You think I planned this?" She asked quietly. "How could you think that I planned this?" Their eyes locked momentarily and Sara felt the tears slipping down her cheeks, cursing herself for being such a baby. "Aside from yourself, have you ever thought about what this baby will do to _me_? I mean, you can walk away…you _did_ walk away. I can't…it kind of follows me around." She stopped, glaring at him and knowing she was making him uncomfortable. "Do you have any idea how hard I worked to get where I am? How difficult my life has been and how much I frantically wanted to be successful and not screw my life up?"

Her voice caught and she began crying harder, choking on her words as she tried to speak. "Do you know what it is like to love someone so very much and then have them rip your heart out only to walk away over just one mistake? To cry yourself to sleep every single night and be terrified of what the next day will bring? To pretend you are fine when all around you your life is falling apart?" She stopped again, taking a deep breath and lowering her voice. "Do you even know what it is like to be elated just because you made it through an entire day without fucking something up? I was finally there, Gil, I made it and then I got pregnant. Why would you think I would throw away everything I have worked so desperately for by having a kid? I really don't think there are too many screw ups bigger than this one."

She grabbed the door handle, looking at him sadly. "And for that matter, why the hell would you think I would want to screw up the life of an innocent child? This baby isn't even here yet, and it already knows what it feels like to not be wanted…. yeah, I really planned this one." She opened the door and left, leaving him feeling as though she had slapped him across the face. As he stood there speechless, he almost wished she had of.

* * *

He sat at the briefing, not really paying attention to what was going on. All he could think of was Sara and everything she had said, the image of her playing in his mind over and over again. She had finished out her shift after their confrontation, carrying herself as though nothing had ever happened, putting on a smiling face for the sake of the charade. He had to admire her for that.

Days had passed since then and to Gil it felt as though an entire lifetime had opened a hole and sucked him in. He had tried, at least once, to talk to Sara again as she walked past his office but all he found himself able to do was stand abjectly staring at the floor. During assignments, he hid in his office until Catherine was done with her team, watching as one by one they filed out of the meeting room. Only then did he dare to leave the safety of his office, ignoring the puzzled expressions on his team's faces at his tardiness.

At one point he had observed her from a distance, noting the swelling of her once flat stomach and wondering in his mind if she could feel the baby moving yet and if she could, what it felt like. He had never really wanted children, had never even thought of having one, and now that he was 50 the thought of one scared him.

The sound of a voice snapped him out of his reverie and he looked up at Jim Brass as he sat next to him on the courtroom bench. "Wow…" Jim said quietly. "Quite the news about Sara, huh?"

Gil remained silent, pretending to concentrate on the proceedings as Jim continued. "Poor kid, the scumbag just up and left her." He shook his head. "Can you imagine? A great gal like Sara and the moron knocks her up and leaves."

'_I'm the moron'_ Gil thought as he clenched his jaw. "Maybe he had his reasons."

"What reasons?" Jim scoffed. "Come on, any guy would be thrilled to have a girl like Sara. And then the jerk that gets her is too stupid to realize what he has….just kind of makes you sick, you know?" He shook his head. "She finally finds a guy she can trust and he stomps that trust into the ground…leaves her with a baby to boot…"

"Can you _please_ not talk about this?" Gil whispered harshly.

Jim looked at him, furrowing his eyebrows. "You got somethin' you need to tell me, Gil?" He asked. They had been friends for over 20 years and he had never seen Gil behave the way he had been since Sara first discovered her pregnancy. Jim had a feeling he knew the reason.

"Leave it alone, Jim."

Jim looked forward, watching as the judge swore another witness in. "Just seems to me," he nodded. "That any guy who fathers a child should stick around and help with the kid. I figure the guy that fathered Sara's baby is probably a pretty good guy, just kind of freaked out." He looked over at Gil, a knowing smile in his eyes. "But, I have a feeling he's going to do the right thing and help that girl raise his baby." He raised his eyebrows at Gil as he stood back up. "It took two people to make that baby, and its going to take two people to raise it...yeah, if I were to ever talk to the guy that is what I'd tell him."

He smiled slightly, walking down the aisle and out of the courtroom, having planted a seed in Gil that he hoped would take root and grow. If not, Jim Brass would just have to kick his ass for being such a jerk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay. I changed this chapter around almost completely. I posted this story about a year ago, but boredom and the CSI forum prompted me to re-do this story **

**I do not own CSI or any of the characters; I just like to borrow them for my own amusement**

Catherine walked into the locker room, finding Gil placing his vest into his locker. She smiled at his haggard appearance; he looked utterly beat. "Long shift?" She asked him as she took her own vest off.

He nodded with a sigh. "Seems like they've all been long, lately, Catherine." He replied.

"I know what you mean." She said. "Sara's doctor has put her on light duty and half shifts for awhile, so I'll be somewhat short handed until she's cleared…if she's cleared before the baby comes."

Gil felt his heart jump a little with alarm, looking over at Catherine. "What's wrong with Sara?"

She shrugged. "I don't think she knows for sure." She sighed as she took off her holster and hung it up. "She's been pretty worn out lately, her doctor thinks she's anemic" She sighed, shaking her head as she removed her own vest. "I think he's concerned about her over doing it…that and he picked up some sort of abnormality with the baby's heartbeat. He just wants to play it safe for a few weeks."

Gil was quiet, staring into his open locker before speaking. "What kind of abnormality?"

Again, she shrugged. "It might be nothing, but he's running more tests." She said, looking over at him. "Sara's scared to death; she's trying to do this all on her own. It has got to be just terrifying."

He said nothing, looking down at the car keys he held in his hand. "Is she really scared to death?" He asked quietly.

Catherine nodded, and seeing his genuine concern she continued. "You know, Griss, you could try letting up on her a little, too. She is going through a lot right now and the only thing you have been to her lately is cruel; you haven't said one nice thing to her in weeks."

He nodded, knowing it was true and closed his locker, turning to look at Catherine before once again staring down at his keys. "What would you do if I told you..." He started, tilting his head to the side slightly as he tried to form the words "...that I did something I am not particularly proud of, and I don't know how to fix it."

She watched him a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Doesn't seem to me like you could ever do anything you..or anyone else, for that matter...wouldn't be proud of"

He sighed, looking at her sadly. "Trust me." He said. "If you knew, your opinion of me would drastically diminish" Looking down again, he play with the keys on the ring, opening his mouth and shutting it again before speaking. "What would you do if you did something so terrible and you wanted to fix it...to make it right...but the outcome terrified you?" He looked up at her and the look in his eyes broke her heart. "How do you fix something that petrifies you?"

She moved closer to him, reaching out to place a hand on his arm. "Guess you have to decide what scares you more" She said "Fixing the problem or ignoring it...What is it that has you so upset?" He hadn't been himself lately, that was for sure and she had noticed the moodiness, the reclusive behavior and what she thought was mid-life depression. She had just been so preoccupied supporting Sara, she had left little time for him.

He shook his head, reluctant to tell her, even as his best friend. "Something I have to deal with" He replied simply.

"You want to go for a drink? It'll make you feel better..you can dump all your trash at my feet" Catherine said as she rubbed his arm a little.

Again, he shook his head. "No, but thank you." He nodded towards the door "I am sure that you need to get home to Lindsey and I have something to do myself"

She reached out to hug him before wishing him a good night and heading from the room. Gil put his head against his locker, feeling the weight of Sara's pain on his chest. He had to figure out how to fix this; if not for he and Sara then for their child.

Leaving the room, he was heading towards his office when he saw her. Sara was sprawled on the break room couch, her long hair fanning her face, one hand lying softly across her belly. His breath caught at the sight of her and he felt himself drawn into the room, approaching her cautiously. He had, he thought, never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life.

He kneeled in front of her, gazing at her as he reached his hand out, gently brushing her hair away from her face. He thought of all of the nights over the last two years that he had done just this, gazing at her as she slept, amazed at the simple beauty she portrayed. So many times he had lain next to her, watching as she slept, wondering what in his life he had done so right to have her fall in love with him. Kneeling there now, he wondered that same thing again; only this time, he knew he didn't deserve her.

He studied her, noting how much paler her skin was and how her breathing seemed so much more troubled. His eyes floated over her body to land on her swollen abdomen; gently he reached out, laying a hand on top of hers as it lay protectively over the baby within her. He slid his hand off of hers, letting it fall onto the gentle swell of her stomach. He felt tears in his eyes as he felt the warmth of her skin beneath his palm and suddenly he felt it; a movement beneath his hand. He thought he had imagined it when he felt it again, a sudden light bump against his palm.

He had felt their baby move.

Feeling a rush of excitement, he looked up at Sara's face again, checking that she was still asleep. He made a promise in his head that he would make it up to her, he would find a way to fix all of the things he had broken. Very softly, he placed a kiss at the corner of her mouth before standing up, not wanting to wake her from her much needed sleep.

He knew he wasn't ready to be a father, but he sure as hell was going to try.

* * *

Sara made it home a few hours later, having been woke up by the barking of Ecklie, who was lecturing Greg about making more appropriate choices. She was just putting her key in the lock when she heard a door open, glancing down the hall to see her elderly neighbor peeking out at her.

"Hello, Ms. Templeton." Sara greeted.

"Sara. Sweetheart..." Ms. Templeton replied. "I have something for you." She disappeared into her apartment, coming back out with a huge bouquet of lilies. As she approached her, Sara could feel her heart stop. "Your gentleman came by this evening and asked me to give these to you." She handed them to Sara, smiling at her. "I thought at first that you two had broken up; I was so glad to see him. He has always been so very sweet."

Sara stared at the flowers; they were beautiful. She smiled at Ms. Templeton. "Thank you..."

"He is so very handsome, too." Ms. Templeton continued. "Is he the daddy?"

Her question caught Sara off guard and she glanced up at her. "He's uh..." She smiled. "Thank you for the flowers, Ms. Templeton..." She entered her apartment, giving her neighbor one final smile before closing the door.

Going into the kitchen, she took out a vase to put the flowers in. He had gone all out, buying her two dozen of them and she smiled to herself despite her reservations. She pulled out the small envelope that had been tucked between some stems and opened it up, sitting on the couch as she read the note within it.

Sara

_I cannot even begin to imagine the amount of pain I have caused you; I do not know how I could even expect you to forgive me. I have been an ass, and I have treated you so very miserably. I do not want you to go through this alone anymore. I may not know how to be a dad, but I know you don't quite know how to be a mom, either, so maybe we could learn together?_

_Please give me a chance to make it up to you_

_To both of you..._

_I love you_

_Gil_

She sat, staring at the note, wondering what it was that made him change his mind. She dialed his number tentatively, hanging up as soon as it rang. Three times she did this before deciding to wait, he was probably asleep by now, and she didn't think she was ready to talk to him just yet. The phone began to ring and she jumped, nearly dropping it. Looking down, she felt her chest tighten as she saw "Grissom" flash across the screen.

After a few deep breaths, she flipped it open, sitting on the couch before speaking. "This is Sara..." She nearly breathed into the receiver.

"Hi" He replied in the same quiet tone.

She looked around the room, feeling her hands begin to shake as her eyes landed on the lilies. "I got your flowers..."

"I had to go to Henderson" He replied. "No one here had them..."

Silence engulfed them and Sara suddenly wished she were in her room, buried beneath the covers so that she wouldn't have to deal with this.

"Sara," He started. "I want to see you...I can't..." He faltered, trying hard to form the words he wanted to say "I cannot do this over the phone...I have to see you...I want to...I want to touch you, I want to hold you...I don't want to do this over the phone..."

She swallowed. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Fixing this...fixing us..." He said. "I have broken so many things...You asked me...remember?...you asked me what I felt about you, Sara...truth is...you scare me...you scare the hell out of me..."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better?" She responded, her voice rising just slightly.

"No" He said quickly, cursing himself for never knowing what to say or how to say it. "No, Sara...it isn't because of you...I am terrified because...God...I love you, Sara. I know I love you and the thought of it...of all of it...scares the hell out of me. I don't know what to do; I don't know how to do it...I am terrified because I have no idea what I am doing."

She stopped breathing. Sara honestly thought she had stopped breathing. She could feel the tear slide down her cheek as she reached up to brush it away. "I am scared, too" She whispered.

"Can I come over?' he asked quietly

"I don't..." She started, hating herself for what she was about to do. "I don't know, Gilbert. I'm not..." She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat. "I think that I need time...I just need some time..."

"What do you mean, 'time'?" He asked

"This is so sudden" She explained. "I mean, just last week you were angry with me...defiant, betrayed...now you expect me to believe that you're okay with everything?"

"I'm not okay, Sara." He insisted. "I have an indelible amount of space between where I am and being even remotely associated with okay..."

"I don't know..."

"Sara..."

She was quiet for a very long time and Gil thought that he might stop breathing if she did not speak soon. Finally, her voice came through the line quietly "You hurt me so much, Gilbert..."

It was his turn to be quiet and he honestly felt that nothing could hurt as much as the sound of her voice through the line. He had always loved to hear her call him by his full first name, he'd found it somewhat surreal and exciting...almost arousing. Tonight, it sounded like disappointment. "I know...and I want to fix it..."

He could hear her crying and the sound made the pressure in his chest tighten to an excruciating level. "I don't think you can." She whispered.

"Just see me" He replied quickly. "Just let me come over, let me see you Sara...let me talk to you...I don't want to make you to cry anymore...please..."

"No" She replied. "No; not tonight. I can't do this, I just...I just need some time to think"

"Sara..."

"Good night, Gilbert"

The line went dead and he sat there, phone pressed against his ear as the walls around him crashed to the ground with an inundating explosion. The roaring sound in his head was deafening and he thought that the sound of silence around him might become too loud if he did not move. As he closed his cell phone to place it on the coffee table in front of him, he made a silent prayer for her to call him back; but the phone remained silent.

The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't blame Sara for hanging up on him. And he knew, if his mother were still alive, how disappointed she would be in the man he had turned out to be.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own CSI; the characters are not mine, but I like using them for my own pleasure

As Gil awoke the following day, his mind immediately went to Sara. He had honored her wishes and not called her back, though the urge to just show up on her doorstep was nearly too much to bear. For the first time since he had begun a relationship with Sara Sidle, Gil found himself taking a sleeping pill (two, if he had to be honest) just to still his mind and fall asleep. When he awoke hours later, he realized that he was nearly a full hour late for shift; it was going to be a long day

As he monotonously showered, his mind continued to be haunted by his actions of the last few weeks. He had never been in love with anyone in his life and Sara had woken feelings in him he never knew he had, when he looked at her he felt his breath catch, and when she smiled at him, everything bad seemed to disappear. But, aren't men in love happy about being a father? Wouldn't they celebrate in the creation of a life with the woman they loved? Gil wondered what was wrong with him; why he hadn't felt that happiness. If he loved her, would he have left? If he loved her, wouldn't he naturally love this baby?

Maybe, just maybe, he was a lot like his father after all.

He walked down the hallway of the lab somewhat grudgingly; unknowingly looking into every corner and hallway for a glimpse of Sara. As he passed the front desk, something caught his eye and he stopped, suddenly faced with a large bouquet of yellow and multi-pastel colored balloons, one of which said _"Congratulations on your bundle of joy"_

"Well, hello Doctor Grissom" Judy greeted with a larger than normal cheeriness.

He pointed towards the bundle, furrowing his eyebrows "What is this?"

"Oh!" She exclaimed in excitement "These are for CSI Sidle. She's havin' that baby, you know"

He glowered a moment "Yes, I know."

"CSI Willows asked me to bring some in for her" Judy continued, oblivious to his change in mood. Glancing around, she leaned forward across her desk towards him "Her baby shower is tonight you know" She nodded knowingly at him, as though they shared a hidden secret

Gil stared at the balloons as Judy continued to babble "It's a little early and well...no one knows if its a boy or a girl...I say its a girl, by the way but Susie in housekeeping..." she rolled her eyes "...she insists its a boy on the count of the way CSI Sidle is carrying it...anyway, CSI Willows thought a shower would cheer her up" She smiled at Gil. "Poor soul's been so down in the dumps lately. She needs something to keep her mind off of everything. Someone expecting a baby should be happy, not so sad...don't you think?"

He did not respond and merely turned and walked away in a daze "_no one knows if its a boy or a girl..."_

As the words played again in his mind, he felt dumbstruck by the looming fact that Sara would soon have either a son or a daughter.

_My daughter_. He wondered if their daughter would look like Sara; if she would have her incredible chocolate eyes, or his curly hair. Maybe they would have a son, a little boy who would have his mother's kindness and his father's curiosity.

Suddenly the idea seemed immensely overpowering and he leaned against the wall, head down, as he gathered his thoughts and attempted to clear his mind. He looked back towards Judy who watched him apprehensively so he smiled and waved a little before continuing down the hallway.

Catherine was sitting at her desk, trying desperately to clear up some paperwork form an older case. She utterly loathed digging into old cases, but the undersheriff had insisted that the lab had missed something.

_Missed something my ass. _She thought as she heard a light tapping on her door. Looking up, she smiled as Gil leaned in the doorway, looking at her with puzzlement

"Hey, Grissom" She greeted "You look lost"

"You, uh..." He began, pointing slightly over his shoulder. "You're having a baby shower for Sara?"

"Oh!" Her eyes grew wide as she jumped up, grabbing his arm and pulling him in, closing the door behind him. "Yes" She said in a hurried whisper once the door was closed "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I forgot actually" She went back behind her desk and motioned at the paperwork "I got so caught up in this case..." She looked at him "I'm sorry, Griss...I told everyone else..." She noticed the look on his face and shurgged "...it's..uh...it's kind of a girl thing"

"No" He held his hand up to stop her. "I completely understand." Shuffling, he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Where are you having it at?"

"My place" She replied as she put the papers away. "Of course Sara knows nothing about it. She thinks she's coming over tonight to do a pedicure with Lindsey, so you can't tell her"

He nodded "Oh, okay" Looking around, he cleared his throat. "Can I...send something?"

She smiled softly, noticing his nervousness. "I think that would be nice" She said "Sara can use all the support she can get right now"

Again, he nodded and then stood, completely still while he looked at her. Catherine could tell from years of working together and even more years of friendship that something was wrong. "You okay?"

His mouth opened and he closed it, he shuffled again uncomfortably, looking down before taking one hand to run it through his hair. "Do you think..." he began, faltering. "Do you think that the guy..." he cleared his throat "What do you think of..." He stopped again, unable to speak

As if knowing what his question would be, Catherine crossed her arms. "Do I think that the father of the baby is a creep?" She asked and he nodded only slightly. "Griss, I think that this guy has screwed Sara over in more ways than the Kama Sutra can define in a bedside book. I think he's a real piece of shit and I wonder how he sleeps at night. You?"

He looked ashen, almost pale. _'I don't sleep at night' _He thought. "Yeah...me" He replied aloud and started to turn to leave, stopping to look back at her.

She came over to him, again rubbing his arm softly. "Look," she said in a soothing tone "I know how you feel about Sara, I know how hard this must be..."

"You really have no idea, Catherine" He said sadly, before opening the door and walking out.

As he headed toward his office, another thought struck him and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the office and the lab with all of the paperwork behind him.

Gilbert Grissom had shopping to do

They were walking, hand in hand, down a small street in Vegas. They had gone to lunch and decided to spend some time wandering the shops. Gil had needed a new bedding set and Sara had agreed to help pick it out. He had figured, after all, that it was only appropriate; after all, she nearly lived with him full time anyway.

_Gil hadn't decided what it was that made it seem so completely right to walk down a street in public with his subordinate, openly holding onto her hand. But, that day everything seemed so natural and the idea of not holding her hand, showing externally their connection, seemed more odd than the simple act of feeling the smooth skin of her hand and fingers in his. _

_They had gone into a large natural wood furniture store, Sara insisting that they also had some of the nicest organic bedding sets in the sates. He had laughed at her "Organic" he had scoffed. "What, they make it from dirt?"_

_Sara had merely smiled at him and pulled him inside. They wandered the store, looking at a myriad of furniture, bedding, chairs. They had just started towards the back of the store when Sara stopped and let go of his hand, wandering towards a handcrafted crib in a display section of the store._

_Amused, Gil followed her and watched as she ran her hand along the soft wood, trailing down the sleigh frame to gaze into the crib. "You trying to tell me something?" He joked_

_She looked at him and smiled "Isn't this beautiful?" She asked, walking around to the front of it_

_He shrugged; he really had no opinion. It was nice. It was a baby crib. That was about it. "Sara?"_

_Again she smiled at him. "I think..." She said "That if I ever had a kid, I'd have to get this one...it's lovely"_

_He looked at the price tag "It should be lovely for three-thousand bucks" _

"_Whoah" She laughed. "Damn.."_

"_So," He asked feeling somewhat uncomfortable looking at baby furniture, let alone looking at it with Sara "You thought a lot about this?"_

_Again, she laughed, coming around the crib to lock arms with him as they walked away. "No." She said. "But this store is so amazing. And, I really think that any kid of mine, if I ever had one, would deserve the most expensive stuff just for having to deal with the issues of being my kid..." She rolled her eyes "Can you imagine? Me, a mom?" She shook her head with a laugh "I am so glad I am not going that direction...poor kid would be doomed before it was even born"_

_He had smiled, squeezing her arm "Well, I for one, think you would make a great mom" He replied simply as they walked away, the incident forgotten as soon as it was begun. They'd bought his bedding set, went for ice cream and then back to his townhouse, where they stripped the bed and made love on the bare mattress before showering and putting the new set on. _

_Months later, neither one really remembered the interaction over the crib_

Standing there now, in the same department store, Gil looked at the set they'd joked about over a year before. It was expensive, it was elaborate...it was perfect. He did not know if Sara had a crib already, had no idea if she had purchased a nursery set or if she even wanted one; but as he pulled out his credit card and gave the street address for delivery, including complimentary wrapping in the package, he felt that somehow this set was the only one that would suffice for their child. He only hoped that Sara would like it.

The shower was fully underway, Sara having been completely surprised by the event. There ended up being quite a few people there, including Catherine's mom, Warrick's wife and Sofia. Judy excitedly handed out snacks and beverages and they had just begun the games when the doorbell rang.

Catherine ran to get it, one hand still holding the baby food that she had fed to Sofia to see if she could guess the flavor. Opening the door, she was greeted by two delivery men with a dolly engulfed in a brightly wrapped package. "Delivery for Sara Sidle?" The man asked

Catherine looked behind her, noting Sara sitting in the chair surrounded by friends, laughing and watching the events. They had already opened the gifts, but Catherine was thrilled at the size of this newest delivery. "Wow..." She said, moving aside "What'd you bring, the whole living room?"

The delivery man smiled back "Oh, no." He said "This is just part of it. The rest is to be delivered to another address tomorrow"

They pushed the large package into the house and there was a wave of silence as they put it against a wall. "Damn!" Sofia exclaimed. "Who is that from?"

"Not sure" Catherine shrugged as Lindsey gave Sara a hand to help pull her up. "There's a card..."

She signed for the package, smiling at the delivery men as they left before turning to look at Sara who was eyeing the package apprehensively. "Well," She said "Open it!"

"Who's it from, Aunt Sara?" Lindsey asked as she came over, running her hand on the paper. "Ooooo..its a crib! I bet its a crib!!"

"Open the card!" Judy exclaimed as Sara reached out and tentatively touched the paper. She did not know what to think or what to say. Who would send her something like this?

Catherine ripped the card off and handed it to her. As Sara took it, she glanced around at the faces around her, laughing a little with nervous excitement despite herself. "You all did not have to do this..." She said as she started to open the card.

Glances went around the room as Sara pulled the card out and read it: "_I still think you will make a wonderful mother and this child deserves the absolute very best. The rest will be delivered to your apartment tomorrow" _There was no signature, but Sara knew immediately who it was from. Dropping the card to the floor she looked at Catherine, her eyes filling with tears.

"Who is it from?" Sofia asked as she picked up the card

Sara moved forward, taking the wrapping in her trembling hands as she pulled off the first layer. Catherine came over and helped pull some off and the room went silent as they gazed at the picture on the box that contained the hand crafted sleigh crib Sara had picked out so many months before.

"I can't believe he remembered" Sara said in a whisper as she ran her hand along the box.

"Who?" Catherine asked and Sara looked at her with eyes filled with wonder and happiness

"The father" She replied with a smile as Catherine wrapped her arms around her.

The room was engulfed in laughter and chatter as the rest of the wrapping was removed from the package. To Sara, she felt as though she were floating on cloud 9 and made up her mind to talk to Gil later that day. The simple fact that he had remember a brief moment in time to do something this amazing showed her that he was serious; he wanted to do the right thing.

It turned out to be, in Sara's opinion, the best party she had ever been to


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own CSI; the characters belong to someone else. I love borrowing them, though. But I always put them back**

* * *

On the day of Sara's 18th week of pregnancy, she woke up with a thundering headache. She wasn't sure what had caused it; she had a relatively peaceful night, work had gone well, and she had slept long and hard. Still, the thundering in her skull made her wonder if she had slept wrong.

Grudgingly, she rolled out of bed to look at the bedside clock; she had less than an hour before work.

'_Perfect'_ She told herself as she pushed the covers back onto the mattress, making a somewhat shambled attempt at making her bed.

Heading into the bathroom, she paused again in front of the baby's nursery, smiling despite herself at the boxes full of baby furniture piled around the room. Nick had offered to come by and help her assemble and arrange it all; but Sara had convinced herself that Gil would want to share in that experience. After all, he had purchased it, wouldn't he want to help make the room perfect?

She went into the bathroom, cursing herself for taking the last of the Tylenol the night before and stripped her clothing to climb in the shower, letting the water wash over her as though it would relieve the overwhelming pressure in her head.

By the time Sara arrived at the lab, the all-too-familiar nausea she thought she'd beaten was back, and the first place she headed was the ladies room. She knew she should have called in, but after the last attack from Gil for missing work, she did not dare; even if Catherine were now her boss, the fear of humiliation was great.

Heading out of the room, she rounded the corner towards the break room when she saw her.

_Lady Heather_

Leaning on Gil's desk, dangerously close, and they were both smiling

_Smiling_

As she watched, Heather bent forward and planted a single kiss on his temple

Suddenly, Sara felt as though she were going to vomit

She turned, trying desperately to make her way in any other direction but theirs. As she was heading back into the ladies room, a voice behind her stopped her cold

"Sara Sidle" Heather said in dripping charm "How _are_ you?"

She stopped, frozen, with her hand on the door panel. "I'm fine, Heather" She responded, her voice dripping with its own incantations. She turned slowly to face her, trying hard to look more solid than she really felt.

Heather's eyes kept Sara's only for a moment before slowly scanning down her body, landing on her swollen middle before a sly smile spread across her lips "Well," She said "I did not know that you were expecting a child..." She smiled again

"Well" Sara said sarcastically despite herself "Now you do"

"Hmm..." Heather continued, glancing down the hallway towards Gil's office "I am puzzled as to why Gilbert did not enlighten me of this. He seems to be quite fond of you"

Sara felt her face flush at the way Heather said his name. She was about to excuse herself to run away when suddenly she heard Gil's voice as he rounded the corner "Heather, are you ready--"

He stopped suddenly when he saw the Sara, his mouth dropping open as the words escaped him.

'_Sara'_ He thought in a panic

For all of Gil's life, he knew he would never forget the look in her eyes at that moment. She stared at Heather, her mouth opening as she tried to speak, shifting her gaze to him. He knew that after everything he had put her through, the last thing she needed was a personal conversation with Heather right there in the lab

As if oblivious to the situation, or highly in tune with it, Heather smirked while keeping her eyes glued on Gil. "Well, we must go" She said smoothly as she draped an arm through his before returning her gaze to Sara "Congratulations again, Sara. I am sure you will make a _wonderful_ mother"

Sara's eyes widened and she felt her face burning red at the comment, glancing at Gil before turning to rush away from them.

She could hear him behind her, calling out to her as she rushed away but she would not stop. Pushing the door to the elevator open with impatience, she hit the button repeatedly until the door closed glancing up just in time to see him coming down the hallway after her. Exiting the elevator at the car garage, Sara ran full force into Catherine, nearly knocking the other woman down.

As if a damn had burst within her, Sara began to sob, grabbing onto Catherine as though her life depended on it. Caught off guard, Catherine put her arms around her sobbing friend, feeling her shake as she cried.

"What am I supposed to do?" She sobbed, choking on her words as she gasped for air. "Why does it hurt so much, Catherine? No one said it would hurt like this…"

"Shhh…"Catherine soothed, feeling tears in her own eyes. "Sara…calm down…" She knew if she kept crying like this, she would end up sick.

"It hurts so much…God, why does it hurt so much?"

"Sara…" Catherine pulled away to look at her. "You have to calm down…"

Sara tried, taking a deep breath to steady her sobbing. "I don't have anywhere else to go…I don't have any family…I have no one…"

"What happened?" Catherine asked as she gently rubbed Sara's arm

"I knew I shouldn't have come in today…" Sara began through tears. "I was going to call in sick, but I didn't want him mad at me again..." As if she had flipped a switch, Sara began sobbing again. "But she's here…she kissed him!" She took a deep breath. "Oh, God. Why am I so stupid, Catherine?"

"Who?" Catherine asked, her confusion evident

"Heather…"

Catherine stared at her. "Heather?" Surely, they had to know more than one Heather, the world wasn't that small…was it?

Sara nodded, her tears falling continuously. "He always said that they were just friends…just friends…" She wiped at her eyes and Catherine pulled a tissue out of her pocket, handing it to her.

"It's clean, I promise" She tried to smile as Sara attempted to pull herself together. The nagging feeling that Catherine had in the back of her head was overwhelming; somehow, she was beginning to think she knew who the father of Sara's child was...she only hoped she was desperately wrong

"I need to get out of Vegas, Catherine. I just can't do this anymore, it is too hard. I have really tried to make it work, but I cannot see him everyday and act like nothing is wrong...I can't keep pretending like it doesn't hurt because it does." She looked down at the tissue in her hand, whispering "I just never thought Gil would do this..."

At that moment, everything became very clear to Catherine as she realized her nagging sensation was right; Gilbert Grissom was the father of Sara's child. It all made sense: Grissom's attitude, Sara's depression at work, the switch from close friendship to extreme animosity between the two of them since Sara made her pregnancy known. Why had she not seen this before? She always thought it was due to Grissom's crush on Sara, and the fact that she had gotten pregnant while unmarried. "Sara…Grissom…is the father?"

"Oh…. Catherine…" Sara's eyes grew wide as she realized what she had said. "Oh, God…" She pulled away, ready to run when Catherine caught her.

"Sara." She said firmly. "Is he?"

She looked up, fighting a new rush of tears. "I love him, Catherine." She said quietly. "How stupid is that?"

Catherine stood speechless, staring at Sara in disbelief. She didn't know what to say or even how to begin. In her wildest imagination, she would never have thought Gil the father of Sara's child. There was no feasible way that she could fathom the reality of it, but all of the evidence pointed to the truth. Gil Grissom was the jerk who left Sara alone, the man who had not been man enough to step up to his responsibility? It didn't make sense to Catherine, it just wasn't typical of Grissom. But then again, he had never gotten a woman pregnant before; let alone a younger woman who just happened to be his subordinate. The sudden knowledge left her feeling thunderstruck and she found herself unable to say a word.

Just then, the door for the stairway flew open and he was there, rushing out breathlessly to stop before both women. Catherine looked from Sara to him, her arms still protectively around the younger woman.

"Catherine..." He began, stepping towards them

"I think you have a lot of explaining to do, Gil" She said as Sara pulled away. She watched Gil's expression closely, reading there a man in extreme turmoil, his emotions played clearly on his face. He stared at Sara as though his heart were being torn from his chest and Catherine felt herself feeling sorry for him, despite her anger

"I just..." he began, faltering as he tried to catch his breath. "I just need to talk to Sara..."

Catherine looked over at Sara, taking her hand. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked her in a whisper

Nodding, Sara wiped at her eyes again and Catherine hugged her one more time before whispering in her ear "Call me if it gets out of hand...I'll be down in two seconds" Letting go of Sara she walked towards Gil, glaring at him as his eyes slowly met hers

"I always thought you were a better man than this, Gil" She whispered in his ear. "And I love you, you know that, but if you do the wrong thing, I am afraid I'll have to rip your balls out of your nose." With that, she left, looking back at Sara one final time before getting into the elevator and heading up to the lab.

Once the elevator doors were closed, silence seemed to swallow them whole. The sound of the cars whizzing by on the street helped only to placate the overwhelming crush the silence shrouded them in. Gil could feel his heart pounding violently against his chest and was not sure if it was due to the rapid descent down the stairs or the nerves raging through his body.

He watched her a moment, seeing how hard she was trying to curl up within herself; it broke his heart. "Sara..." He took a step forward, reaching for her but she reeled on him with an anger that surprised them both

"Don't!" She nearly screamed as she backed away, pulling her arm out of his reach. "Please...just...don't..."

He stood, shoving his hands in his pockets instead as he looked down to the ground. "Can't you just give me a chance to talk to you?"

"No" She shook her head "No..."

"Just give me a chance Sara!" He begged, taking another step towards her. "I deserve at least a chance!"

"_What?"_ She gasped in disbelief "You had your chance, Gil! Remember? You threw it away. Why the hell do you think I would even _consider_ giving you another one?" She folded her arms across her chest, her brown eyes boring into him. "You do this to me...you do this to me every time and do you know the sadness of it, Gilbert?" She asked, continuing before he had an opportunity to respond. "The sadness of it is that I believe you _every... Single...Time._.." She threw her arms up in exasperation "Like your phone call the other day, the lilies, the baby furniture...after awhile it all just becomes..." She paused "...empty"

"I am not asking you to forgive me" He said in defeat. "I am just asking you to listen to me"

" I do not need to hear again how we need to _work this out_ for the sake of the baby" She replied, making quotation gestures in the air as she spoke "...it doesn't make anything easier for either of us"

"Then, let's work it out for us" He said softly, another step closer to her

"What about your dominatrix?" She spat

A hand went through his hair "Heather has nothing to do with this" He responded pleadingly

"She was in your office!" She yelled "You two looked pretty cozy, Gilbert. I do not recall the last time you let just anyone kiss you in public...let alone in your office. God knows you never even let me _touch_ you in this building"

He sighed, looking down as he ran a hand across his face. "Can we go somewhere else?" He asked, looking around "I would rather not discuss this here"

"Why?" She responded "Because someone will see us? Someone will _know_?"

"No!" He was getting angry, trying hard to keep his temper. Why wouldn't she just listen to him? "Listen, Sara...I don't care about that; about any of it..." He had closed the gap between them, standing only a few inches from her. Reaching out, he took her chin in his hand, making her look at him. "At this point, I really don't care who knows...I just don't want to _do_ this anymore... all I care about right now, Sara, is you"

He watched as her eyes, her beautiful chocolate eyes, misted over and she tried hard to turn away, but he would not let her. He held her chin in his hand, his thumb softly stroking her skin "I have been so very cruel to you, Honey...and I just want a chance to make it up to you...although, I would fully understand if you turned and walked away right now" He paused, his eyes skimming her face before adding softly "I can only hope that you do not"

She dropped her eyes as he let her go and she nodded, feeling a tear sliding down her face. He reached out tentatively and wiped the tear away before squinting at her familiarly as she looked back up at him.

"I just don't know, Gil" She said softly. "I am afraid to throw everything out there again...to have you change your mind again...to end up here..."

"Then do not" he replied "Let's talk about everything; let's throw all the pieces of this on the table and sort them out from where they fall." He placed a hand on her cheek and she found herself leaning into it, despite her reservations "Let's just begin again, Sara."

The sound of the elevator bell alerted them and he looked over quickly. "Perhaps we can go somewhere else?" He suggested, dropping his hand "I would rather not rebuild our relationship in the basement parking garage"

She agreed and he followed her to her apartment, her insistence on not riding together troubling to him. Still, he understood and offered no objection. He noted her pale appearance as they reached her door and she excused herself immediately to the restroom. Gil found himself gazing around the rooms, having never been in her new place. It was nice, much larger and far brighter than the last one and she had purchased new furniture. The living room was quaint with a small fireplace, the bar leading to the kitchen was lined with matching stools and she had even gotten a new table and chairs. Wandering down the hallway, he lingered momentarily at her bedroom door, noting the familiar spread on the bed and filled with a sense of nostalgia.

Turning, he pushed a door open to another room and found himself staring into the nursery, the boxes of furniture he'd bought stacked into the middle of the brightly painted room. Entering slowly, he looked at the pastel walls, the artwork including butterflies and ribbons and outdoor-type themes...even bugs. His hand trailed along some of the other belongings in the room, including a lamp and boxes of bedding and soft animals. He was studying a stuffed elephant when Sara came to the door

"It isn't quite done yet" She said as she leaned in the doorway

He looked around "Did you do all of this?"

She nodded as she entered the room "Nick helped"

He felt a twinge at that, feeling some of the old insecurities seeping in but tried not to let it show "It is very nice"

"We tried to keep it neutral," She said, coming to stand next to him. They were quiet a moment before she said, very quietly "I am not sure that bugs are a girl thing, but..." she stopped, looking down at her hands as she wrung them in front of her "...I thought they were a symbol of you..."

He swallowed. Damn, this was hard. "It's a girl?"

She smiled and shook her head with a shrug "Oh, I don't know" She replied quickly "I just mean...if it is a girl...I don't know that bugs are appropriate"

"You like bugs" he commented, giving her a sideways glance

Again, she smiled "I tolerated them" She commented "For the sake of my boyfriend"

He watched her. _God, she was beautiful. _"Your boyfriend was a jerk." He said simply.

"Yeah" She sighed "But, he wasn't always..."

"I'm sorry, Sara" He said as he nodded towards the walls "I should have been here. This was my place; not..." he swallowed "Nick's..."

She looked at him, seeing the struggle in his head "We all make choices" She said simply "What matters is how we deal with them"

"Or how we change them" he replied, looking back at her. He set the elephant on a box in front of him, turning to face her. "I would really like to change my choices, Sara"

She met his gaze, her hand unconsciously going to her stomach. "Well," She said slowly "Then I guess this is a good place to start..."

He smiled, reaching out for her hand, feeling a jolt of excitement go through him as she took it and allowed him to pull her to him. As they stood there, in the middle of their child's scattered room, and held one another, Gil slowly began rocking them back and forth, thinking that he had not held Sara in his arms in over a month. As he held her, he realized the changes in her body and how differently she fit within his arms; it felt good. He could feel her crying and held her tighter, kissing the top of her head as she wept. "Please do not cry anymore, Honey" He whispered into her hair. I promise you," He whispered into her hair "That I will make this up to...no matter what it takes...I will make everything right again..."

And as he held her, there in the sanctity of her unborn baby's room, Sara almost believed him.


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own CSI. CBS does. None of the characters are mine, I just like to borrow them**

* * *

Gil wandered absently through the hallways of the lab, his mind wandering restlessly. It had been 4 days since he had seen Sara, 4 days since he had held her, 4 long days since she told him that she was not ready to continue a relationship with him

_Not just yet_

Their child, she said, needed someone who could provide stability in its life. Sara did not feel that Gil was at a point in his life where he could provide that stability. The sting of the rejection had hurt brutally, although he knew he fully deserved it. He accepted her decision, agreeing to give her the space she needed, to be her friend and to help her in anyway that he could from a distance.

Still, he hurt. He thought about her constantly and longed to be there for the development of this child. He cursed himself, several times, for all of the lost opportunities he gave up along with his stubbornness; every single missed memory he could have shared with her that he had thrown away. He would never get them back, and perhaps would never get Sara back and he kicked himself daily for those decisions.

She had grown ill while he was at her apartment that night. He had taken her to her room and tucked her in to her bedding, bringing her water and crackers and whatever else seemed to placate her nagging nausea. At one point, he lay down next to her, her back firmly against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him. He had allowed his hand to fall to her abdomen, feeling the smoothness of her skin and the subtle movements of the baby within her; it was all very poignant given the knowledge that he knew he could not stay. He had waited until she had fell asleep, daring to plant a single kiss to her cheek before leaving her apartment and going back to work.

Now, 4 days later he sat at his desk pouring over paperwork he did not care about.

"Hey" He looked up from his desk to see her standing there in the doorway, looking radiant

"Hey" He replied, taking his glasses off. "Come in"

She came in, smiling at him. "You look beat"

"Yeah" he sighed "I haven't slept..."

She looked down at her hands before looking back at him. "Gil..." She began with a fleeting nervous smile "I, uh...have an ultrasound tomorrow...and..." she shrugged. "I was wondering if you would like to go with me?"

His face lit up as he beamed at her. "I would like that very much, Sara" He replied with a confirming nod

"Good then..." She returned his smile "I'll pick you up at one?"

He nodded, trying hard to remain placid, solid..._stable_ while knowing he was grinning like a bloody fool "Yes..."

She nodded at him, turning as she gave a little wave to him on her way out the door. Gil felt elated and for the first time in weeks, he did not dread the day before him.

* * *

"So, what'a you want to tell me, Griss?" Catherine asked as she was bent over a dead body in an empty warehouse

He looked over at her, shining his flashlight around the room. "What do you mean?"

He knew exactly what she meant but he was not ready to talk to her, or anyone else, about the situation

She looked at him and rolled her eyes impassively "Oh, come on" She said "About Sara...I think I deserve something"

"I believe the only person who deserves anything right now is that guy" He said, nodding towards the body

"He's already dead" She said as she stood up "So, I am pretty sure he doesn't need anything"

He pursed his lips, looking at her for a moment before going back to his scrutiny of their surroundings "I do not believe that my personal life concerns you, Catherine"

She balked "Your _personal_ life" She began "happens to be a good friend of mine, so it kind of makes it my concern"

He did not look at her when he spoke "I am sorry, Catherine" He said almost curtly "I do not recall that you and Sara were very good friends at all. I always felt it was quite to the contrary"

She rolled her eyes "You can be such a jerk, Grissom" She replied "It's no wonder Sara doesn't want you around" With that, she gathered her bagged evidence and walked out of the building as the coroner walked in.

She was sitting in the Denali when he climbed in, closing his door and sitting quietly with keys in hand before turning to look at her. "I do not know what you want me to say""

An explanation would be good" She said firmly "I am not sure who I feel more deceived by: you for keeping this from me for so long or Sara for just not coming right out and telling me the truth...but I feel kind of like a trump card and the biggest moron on the planet"

"You are not a moron"

"Whatever" She replied "But it really pisses me off to think that all this time I am helping Sara pick up the pieces some jerk left behind and it turns out that you are the jerk. And then I am wasting my time trying to help you through some personal, mid-life crisis and it turns out Sara is your crisis. I feel like you two have played me for a fool and I want to smack the living shit out of you both"

He raised his eyebrows but he said nothing. "One of you could have just told me" She added

"And what would you have said?" he shot back

"I would have told you to pull your head out of your ass!" She snapped "But first I probably would have wrung your neck for getting involved with Sara in the first place. I mean, what the hell were you thinking Gil? Instead of just feeling the flames you jumped right into the raging inferno..." She looked at him, shaking her head in somewhat disbelief. "Was it love, lust or just an elaborate sexual fantasy of yours that got out of hand?"

He was quiet for a few moments "Sara has always been my fantasy that became my reality" He said honestly

She nodded, pursing her lips as he had done. "Sometimes fantasies are better left as a fantasy, Gil. I thought you knew that?"

"You are saying that it was a mistake?"

"Good God!" She exclaimed, "How can you even ask that? Can't you judge for yourself that it was a mistake?"

"I thought you said Sara was your friend?"

"She is my friend, but that doesn't mean I do not think you both are complete idiots. You and Sara were a train wreck waiting to happen. I just always thought you were smarter than this"

"Is this a lecture?"

She sighed in frustration. "No...no, I'm sorry. You two just...Damn it, you piss me off"

"Thanks for elaborating"

"I'd love to do a lot more than elaborate" She huffed, sitting back in her chair. "If personal assault wasn't illegal you'd be bloody by now"

He waited calculatingly and then asked, "Are you done?"

She looked at him, the twenty years of friendship calming her nerves. "Yeah" She sighed "Stick a fork in me"

They were silent and he started the engine, getting ready to put the Denali in gear when she asked, "Do you love her?"

He sighed and closed his eyes "I do..."

"Why did you leave her?" Rain started falling outside, landing on the windshield and the roof in soft pelting sounds

He shook his head "Fear of impact" He replied miserably, referring to her comment about the train wreck. "Is it possible to love someone, to trust them intimately, and still doubt their sincerity?"

She nodded, letting out a breath of air. "I think so"

He looked at her again "I am not a young man, Catherine. I did not think it was physically possible for me to father a child; I felt there was some sort of imperfection that prevented it, be it age or another factor" he sighed "When Sara first told me about the baby, I was in shock and disbelief. I did not believe her. Is that terrible?"

"No" She reached over and took his hand "I think it's human"

"I thought it was someone else's" He said suddenly, as if trying to get it out "I truly convinced myself that Sara was being unfaithful, that this child was the result of her infidelity and that played a large part in my actions"

She raised her eyebrows "Wow" She said, squeezing his hand "I can't imagine Sara being unfaithful. But then again, I never imagined her having sex with you, either..."

He shook his head. "Every time I saw Nick or Greg with her, every time they would hug her or hold her hand or touch her...for all they knew Sara was a single woman" Again he shook his head "I simply knew I could not father a child and that left only one other option"

She thought a moment "You _can_ father a child, right?" She was beginning to wonder if there were more to this than the simple fact of his walking out on his responsibility

"Of course" He said, flushing. "I had a complete physical a few weeks after finding out about the pregnancy. Everything is in working order"

She continued to hold his hand in the comfortable essence of friendship. "So...now what?"

"I wait." He said simply "Until she is ready to let me be a part of her life again...I have to tell you, it is all quite frightening"

Silence surrounded them momentarily and she squeezed his hand again. "You have nothing to be afraid of, Gil. You are going to be an excellent father"

"Yeah..." He replied, letting go of her hand to put the SUV in gear "It's the whole boyfriend thing that I am miserable at"

* * *

Sara stood near the fence, watching Nick as he rounded up the last of the evidence signs. She had spoken to Gil only momentarily a few minutes before, letting him know what she was about to do. He seemed less than thrilled, almost angry, but offered no resistance as she hung up the phone.

Seeing her, Nick's face lit up and he waved at her. She returned the wave, leaning on the fence as she waited for him to finish and come jogging up to meet her. "Hey there, Brown Eyes" he grinned "What brings you all the way out here? I'm pretty much done, y'know"

"I know" She said with a sideways smile "I actually need to talk to you"

"Sure" He said "Let me finish up and I'll meet ya over at those picnic tables"As she sat she watched him throw his bag into his vehicle, grabbing out two bottles of water as he jogged back to where she was. Handing her a bottle, he sat down on the bench next to her, taking a long drink of ice cold water. "You bring lunch?"

"Sorry" She replied, squinting in the sun.

"That's okay, I have this" He pulled a Snickers bar from his pocket, offering her a bite before devouring it. Once he was done, he wiped his hands on his jeans and stuck the wrapper carefully in his pocket. "So...what's on your mind, Darlin'?"

"Well," She said slowly. "It's kind of about tomorrow"

"The ultra sound?" He grinned "You get it rescheduled or something?"

She shook her head. "Nick, I..." She faltered, trying to work up the nerves to continue "I have to tell you something, and I don't want you to be angry or upset..."

"I'd never be angry with you, Sar"

"You might be" She sighed. "This is really hard Nick but...I kind of asked someone else to go with me tomorrow"

He frowned, puzzled "To the ultrasound? I thought I was going with you..."

"I know" She said quickly. "I know...its just that..." She took a deep breath before saying quickly, "I asked the baby's father to come and he said he would"

His eyebrows went up "Really?" Then a cautious smile "Is that...such a good idea?"

"I hope so" She was busy playing with a piece of loose wood on the bench where they sat, letting it absorb all of her attention so she would not have to look at him.

"You two...patching things up?" He knew he sounded disappointed, guarded, but was hoping that he sounded optimistic. He did not want her hurt again and this guy had given her nothing but heartbreak and disappointment

"I'm not sure..." She looked at him, seeing both disappointment and concern in his brown eyes. "Nick, Gil is going with me tomorrow...he's coming to the ultra sound"

Confusion clouded his face as he tilted his head sideways slightly, as if he hadn't heard her correctly "But, you said...the father was...going..."

She nodded, whispering "He is..."

He stared at her, his mouth opening as he gave a little "huh" sound. After what seemed like an eternity, he asked "Now, am I just a fool Sara or are you tellin' me that Grissom is this baby's father?"

She felt tears in her eyes, cursing herself for the hundredth time for out-of-control hormones, as she nodded.

His jaws clenched as his hand tightened on the water bottle, he looked away from her, his jaw working through clenched teeth. "This is a joke, right?"

"No, Nick"

He looked at her, the look on his face unreadable "You just..." he began. "But, you..." He shook his head as he again looked away before looking back at her. "You're sure?"

She smiled sadly "Yes"

"I'll be damned" he replied, his Texas accident suddenly enunciated. "He knew?"

Again, she nodded "Yes"

"Okay..." He blew out a breath of air. "You should have told me..."

"It was never that easy"

"You just kind'a lied to me" He said, looking around. "We're supposed to be friends and you kind'a lied to me."

"I never lied" She insisted "Not one time; _ever_. You never asked me and I never told you but I never, ever lied to you"

"How long?" He asked "I mean, how long were you two...romantic? _Were_ you romantic? Or was it just good sex?"

"Two years" She said quietly as the wind picked up, blowing her bangs into her face as she tucked them back behind her ear "I was not in it just for sex"

"He was?"

She did not respond, looking down instead. He stood up, looking down at her "Sara...look...you are my absolute best friend; I love you...and I'd do just about anything for you, but...but this is...its too much...I just...I don't know..." He bent down, kissing her forehead "Now, I will support your decisions anyway I can but you're gonna have to give me some time to let this absorb, okay? I mean, it isn't every day you find out your boss is the father of your best friends kid"She nodded.

"I'm sorry, Nicky"

"Me too" He said as he put on his sunglasses and walked away


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own CSI. I borrow the characters, mutilate them, humiliate them and abuse them. But, I always buy ice cream when I am done and bring them home by 9 :)** (NOTE: I was having severe formatting issues with this chapter. All mistakes are mine and this darn document editor)

* * *

Catherine was at her desk, completing some last minute notes on her case files when there was a knock at the door. She looked up to see Conrad Ecklie waiting on the other side of the door. She waved him in with a sigh, closing up the top file on her desk as he came in, a file of his own tucked under his arm.

"What can I do for you, Conrad?" She asked as he came in to sit across from her

"It's about Sidle." He said as he waved the file at her

She felt a slight shock of alarm go through her. After what she had found out, she knew that Grissom's job could be on the line over the whole mess. "Okay" She said, leaning back "Shoot"

"She's coming up to her 5th month of this pregnancy" He said, handing her the file "We need to reassign her prior to her third trimester"

She nodded as she opened Sara's medical file, scanning the information. "I have her on partial shifts right now" She told him, closing the file "There's a note in here..."

"I understand that" He replied. "But partial shifts out in the field is still not departmental policy on third trimester pregnancies. I can't risk sending Sidle out on assignments much longer"

She nodded "Understood...besides, Sara and I have discussed this already and she will be going into trace for the last few months, starting next month"

"Great" He said, picking up the medical file "You, uhm...you haven't heard how things are going for her..._personally_...have you?"

She busied herself with the piles on her desk "I don't know that that is really any of our business"

"Right" He said as he stood up, stopping to turn back as he tapped the file on the back of the chair he'd been sitting in "No problems? I mean, there was that little mishap between her and Grissom..."

"They just had some differences..." She replied with a little shrug "Nothing major..."

"Well," he kind of laughed "These _differences_ have nothing to do with her current physical state, do they?"

She looked at him, incredulous. "What are you implying, Conrad?"

"Nothing" He said "Just seems to me the timing of her transfer to your supervision is a little..._convenient_... don't you think?"

"I really wouldn't know anything about that" She replied.

"Look, I am not the brightest guy when it comes to relationships" He said with a scoff "Just look at my marriage. But, I can tell you, Catherine that my powers of observation are pretty good and I think there is much more to this whole thing than meets the eye" He opened her door, looking her in the eye. "If there is anything out of line here, any 'inappropriate supervisor activity'...heads will roll. I just want to make sure that yours is not one of them...let Grissom hang himself, Catherine, don't put his noose around your neck as well"

As he left, Catherine sighed putting her head down in her hands. This was going to be a lot harder than she had thought

* * *

Gil sat next to Sara in the waiting area of her doctor's clinic, his hands clasped between his legs in front of him. He had wanted desperately to take her hand, to sit together in anticipation as a real couple would do, but he was afraid to touch her. He kept telling himself he had to remain stable, secure...her _friend_.

When she had pulled up to his town house, he had eagerly met her out front, taken aback by her appearance. She had wore a red wrap around maternity top, the color enunciating all of her features and making him again pause at the site of her. She was beautiful in every sense of the word and he found himself wanting to pull her to him to tell her just that. Instead, he had smiled at her telling her she looked _"lovely"_ and left it at that.

They had filled the time with small talk, Sara telling him about the new 3D ultrasound machine her doctor had gotten in and how it would really show what the baby looked like. His nervous anticipation had grown steadily until the door opened and they were whisked off to the examination room.

He was given a chair next to Sara, who lay on the exam table, her abdomen exposed. He found himself gazing at it before looking up at Sara to give her a little wink. Relief washed through him as she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm glad you're here" She whispered to him, her eyes glowing

"Me too" He replied with a smile

Before the scan began, the technician told them what they would be seeing. She put some gel on Sara's abdomen, placing the wand against her skin as she flicked a button on the screen. As they watched, an image played across the screen in an orange hue and Gil held his breath as a tiny little face appeared on the screen

"And there it is" The technician said as little eyes and a nose, along with what Gil considered an absolute perfect mouth, displayed before them.

Gil did not realize he had leaned forward, his mouth slightly open, as he stared at the image. As the baby within Sara moved, he felt an emotion he had never felt before go through him. For the first time in Gil's life, he found himself completely in love with someone he had never even met.

As they watched, the baby yawned and Sara giggled a little, making the image shake before them. Gil looked up at her, seeing the tears in her eyes and without thinking he sat up, kissing her softly as he stared in her eyes. No words were spoken, but the slight squinting of his eyes told Sara everything he was feeling as a million unspoken words passed between them.

Sitting back down, he nodded at the screen "She's got your nose..." He said

Sara was beaming "She?"

"Well," He shrugged. "He?"

She laughed "Your mouth though." She commented "Look at that pout...no one I know can pout like that other than you, Gilbert"

Sara watched Gil's face as he watched the screen, noting the look on his face. She had seen that look before; it was the same look he had when he gotten back from Sabbatical and met Sara in the hallway of the lab; one of wondrous anticipation. Squeezing his hand again, she felt overwhelmed by the fact that she still loved him desperately as she, too, looked back at the screen showing them the first real glimpse of their child.

The technician smiled at them as she measured the baby's head, clicking buttons as she did so. As they watched, the baby placed a thumb in its mouth, kicking wildly at the pressure of the wand on its mother's stomach. Gil chuckled, squeezing Sara's hand again. The technician began measuring the baby, explaining as she went along what she was doing and what she was checking. They got to see the feet, the hands, and the hair on the baby's head.

"This is amazing" Gil breathed as he counted toes and fingers, feeling as Sara again squeezed his hand. "She has more hair than I do..."

Sara couldn't help but smile at his continual reference to the baby as "she"

Finally, the technician turned to them "Would you like to know the sex?"

They paused, looking at each other. "I never thought..." She began, seeing a look on Gil's face. As his eyes met hers, she nodded at him

With that, the technician set to work in revealing to the anxious parents whether they would soon be welcoming a son or a daughter into the world. After what seemed like an eternity, filled with occasional laughter as the baby struggled to keep its identity secret, the technician found what she was looking for

"Congratulations," She said with a smile "It's a girl"

Gil sucked his breath in, feeling as though he had just won the million-dollar jackpot. He remembered his mother, when he was only 30 years old, telling him that he would have a daughter; a little girl with dark eyes. She saw it, she said, in a dream. He had, of course, laughed her off considering it just babble of a mother trying to encourage her son to "get married and settle down" But for the remainder of her life, his mother had reminded him of that dream often

Now, 20-years later he was having a daughter.

Looking up at Sara, he saw the tear slide down her cheek as she smiled at the screen. As the technician busied herself cleaning Sara of all the gel, Gil stood up again and kissed Sara's forehead. "She's going to be so beautiful" He said as he gazed into her eyes "Just like her mother..."

To his pleasant surprise, Sara reached up and cupped his face in her hands, pulling him to her softly to kiss him tenderly on the lips. She did not say a word, rubbing her thumbs along his lips as they parted, lingering only momentarily until she was ready to sit up.

They left the clinic, this time hand in hand, photos of their unborn child firmly within Sara's grasp. As they reached Sara's car she looked at him. "I'm hungry." She said with affirmation. "Let's have lunch"

And with those simple words, Gil and Sara had taken the first step towards their new life together.

* * *

Gil sat at his desk at the end of a particularly long shift, pouring over Greg's notes from a case he'd just closed up. Gil had to admit that Greg was turning out to be a damn good CSI for someone who started out so giddy. But, Gil had known from the day he'd met the wiry, energetic laboratory technician that he would someday make a great investigative forensic scientist; and he had

Movement at his doorway caught his eye and before he looked up, a slip of paper was placed on his desk, sliding easily in front of the case file he'd been looking at. Without looking up, he picked up the paper, scanning the 'Request for Transfer' heading before quickly looking up, catching the man about to exit his office just in time.

"Nick?" he said with puzzlement, looking at him over the rim of his glasses. "What is this?"

Nick stopped as if he'd been caught sneaking out of the house late at night and turned around slowly. "It's a request for transfer form, Sir" He said with tight curtness

"I see that" Gil replied, looking over the paper one more time before setting it down "Come in, Nick"

He stood, his mouth pursed somewhat as he took just one step inside. Gil noted his discomfort, removing his glasses. "What is this all about?"

He shrugged. "I'd just like to transfer"

Gil scanned the paper quickly "To swing shift?"

"Yep" He said it through nearly gritted teeth and Gil could tell he was struggling to maintain a professional demeanor.

"Do you have a reason?" Gil asked

Now, his jaws were clenched. "Just please sign the form, Sir."

Gil spread his hands slightly "I need you on this shift"

Nick nodded his lips tight as he looked down momentarily. "If you don't sign the form, Grissom, I'll just give my notice"

Gil looked down at the form, then back to Nick "What's going on, Nick?"

Nick looked up; rolling his eyes before shaking his head "You're a piece of work" He chuckled sarcastically. "Did you ever think about everything she went through while you were out finding yourself?"

Gil furrowed eyebrows "So, this is about Sara?"

"Pretty much"

"I don't think I need to explain myself to you, Nick" Gil lectured

"Then just sign the form and you won't have to"

Lips pursed, Gil looked from Nick to the form, setting it aside blatantly. "Whether I sign this or not, my personal life is not a negotiative factor in your employment"

"You know, it's all good and sunny for you right now isn't it?" He replied, his voice cool and bitter. "You getta walk right back in there and start this wonderful life with a woman you don't deserve and a baby you didn't give a damn about…but, y'know what Grissom? You weren't there when she needed someone to hold her hair out of her face while she puked or when she needed crackers and 7-Up at three AM in the morning 'cause she couldn't keep anything else down." He glared at him "You weren't the one she called the first time she felt that baby move and you sure as hell aren't the one who sat up all night and held her while she cried 'cause her scumbag boyfriend ripped her heart out of her chest...again." He nodded, jaws clenched. "Yeah, you go ahead and enjoy this right now 'cause someday she's gonna wake up and realize that you were never really ever there for her…that the only time you were ever around is when it was convenient for you"

They were silent, eyes locked. "I used to respect you" Nick continued, his voice still layered in bitterness. "I admired you, Grissom. Hell, I almost wanted to be you. Now?" He scoffed, shaking his head "Well, now I just think you aren't really worth the spit I shine my boots with" He shrugged "Now, if you want to discipline me for that, you go right ahead. But just make sure you sign that form before I have to ask Ecklie to do it"

With that he turned, striding from the office and down the hallway, leaving Gil sitting dumbstruck in the silence of his office.

* * *

Two weeks after the ultrasound, Sara pulled into the lab, parking the Denali in the designated slot. She had been called out to assist Warrick with a John Doe case on the south end of the strip and found it a welcome relief to work with him again. He of course, knew nothing of her and Gil's relationship, and she found herself grateful that he did not bring up the subject of her "relationship with the baby's father".

Warrick was, if anything, not a man to dwell in other people's affairs.

She grabbed the case with the evidence, heaving the rear door of the Denali closed with what she felt was more effort than usual. Looking down at her ever-growing abdomen, she shook her head as she headed into the building.

Heading into the log room, she set the case down and went to work sorting the myriad of contents within. She was just cataloging when Ecklie walked in, coming up next to her. "What have you got?" He asked

"John Doe" she said in her familiar slow drawl "No sign of external trauma, although he was naked, witnesses said he lingered around the Strat every Friday"

He nodded, looking over the items. "Sidle, when you are done here could you come into my office?"

She looked at him "I was kind of hoping to head home..."

"It won't take long" He said firmly.

She finished up the cataloging, making sure to take a little extra time. She really did not want to talk to Ecklie, somehow the guy just got on her nerves no matter what he said. Turning everything in, she clicked the light off and headed to his office.

He looked up momentarily, waving her in as he held a pen in his hand. "Have a seat, Sara"

She sat across from him, waiting patiently as he finished whatever he was doing to lay his pen aside, leaning back in his chair and crossing his hands at the fingers. "Is there anything you want to tell me, Sidle?"

She shrugged slightly "Nothing that I can think of"

"Well," He said surreptitiously "It just seems like Grissom's crew is fleeing like rats on a sinking ship...I was hoping you could shed some light on the reason why"

She gave him a puzzled look "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about" She lied

"First you, then Nick" He said, rocking slightly in his chair. "I just want to make sure there isn't anything going on that I need to be aware of"

"Like what?" She asked

He shrugged, fingers still together. "I don't know, Sidle. But two of his staff leaving in the span of a few months is somewhat curious, don't you think?"

She gave another shrug "Doesn't make me very curious"

He sighed; he knew this would be difficult. "Both you and CSI Stokes left Grissom's team to work under other leadership. Obviously, this points to a defect in his supervisory capabilities"

She gave him one of her 'I'm not telling you anything' smiles "Well…Ecklie…all things being fair; I was moved to other leadership, I did not leave voluntarily and Nick…" She stopped, making sure she enunciated "…well, you'll just have to ask him yourself what his reasons were. I cannot speak for him"

He uncrossed his fingers, leaning forward "Personally Sidle, I think that the timing of your transfer to Supervisor Willows's team was more a matter of convenience, don't you?"

"Okay, look" She said holding up a hand "If you have something to ask me, Ecklie, just ask me. Don't dance around it and hope I catch the beat"

"What is your relationship with Supervisor Grissom?"

"Strained"

He was getting agitated; this woman was impossible. "Answer the question"

Smiling again "I can't answer a loaded question."

"What does that mean?"

"Just that no matter what I say, the answer will always be the same"

Now, he was agitated "I have tried to be kind to you, Sara, on account of your condition" He said "But you have to know that if there is something going on here that is against departmental policy, you will be treated the same as everyone else"

"Great" She replied with a smile "I wouldn't have it any other way"

He gave in. "Have it your way, then…just consider yourself warned"

She nodded at him, standing up to head out the door. "And, Sidle?" He called, making her turn around. This time, he gave her a 'I know exactly what you're doing smile' "You can only hide this..." He searched for a word "...charade until the baby comes. And unless the father is going to hide from that as well, I'm afraid it is pretty much all over then"

She said nothing, turning to walk out of his office as the start of a thundering headache hit behind her eyes. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**CSI is not mine. None of the characters in this story belong to me, just to CBS. The only ones I am responsible for are the ones I make up and the rest I am just borrowing for our amusement.  
**

* * *

She lay beneath the comfort of the soft coverings on her bed, trying hard to even out her breathing so she could at least get a little sleep. Her head had since quit throbbing, the pain behind her eyes slowing to a dull ebb. She had never been one for headaches, let alone migraines, and since her 15th week of pregnancy these annoyances had been a weekly visitor in her life; she could not wait for this visitor to leave. If anything, the experience gave her a new appreciation of what Gil went through on a regular basis.

She heard him come in, knowing he would stop by since he had called earlier in the day. He had been trying, she knew, to be more of a presence in her life and most days she found her apprehension and insecurities about him walking out again almost gone.

It was days like today that it came roaring back with a vengeance.

After what seemed like a long while, in which Sara actually fell into a light sleep, he came into her room, pulling the covers back to lay down next to her. As she stirred slightly, he snuggled next to her, burying his head in her hair as he wrapped an arm around her. They lay like this for a few minutes before Sara spoke

"Did you have a good shift?" She asked quietly

"You are supposed to be sleeping" He replied with a soft kiss just behind her ear

"I know that" She replied

"You okay?"

She was quiet, her hand instinctively going over his arm where it lay along her hip, rubbing it softly. "I just have a headache"

"Sleep is good for headaches"

She sighed "I know"

"Sara, honey" He began softly massaging her scalp, hoping to relieve the pressure. Everytime he had come down with one of his debilitating migraines, Sara would turn the lights down and give him a scalp massage; it always helped immensely "We have to find a way to help you get your sleep; this is not healthy for you"

She was quiet, closing her eyes against the soothing feeling of his fingers in her hair. "I spoke to Ecklie"

He stopped only momentarily "And?"

"I think he knows"

He stopped again, only for a second "Good"

She turned, rolling onto her back to look up at him as he lay perched on an elbow "How can you say that?" She asked incredulously "What about what this will do to your career? My career?"

He stared at her a moment before kissing her softly "I was an ass for saying all of that" He said simply "We may get suspended, lectured...there will be a departmental inquiry. But, all of that will fade Honey and none of it will really matter in the end. You know that, right?"

She watched him carefully, searching for any sign of doubt in his eyes; there was none. "Why are you suddenly so unconcerned about this?"

He lay his head down against her shoulder, pulling her to him tightly. "Because I know what it feels like to throw everything in my life that is important away" He said. "And there is nothing that even compares to the feeling of getting it all back. I am not going to throw away the world I am holding in my arms right now again...so let Ecklie dig"

A small smile played across her face. "What will you do if you lose your job?"

Smiling, his eyes closed as he snuggled closer "Then I will be the world's greatest stay-at-home dad" He opened his eyes again to kiss her nose "Now, go to sleep Sara Sidle"

She lay awake for another 20-minutes, listening as his breathing evened out before her eyes finally closed into a deep, untroubled sleep.

* * *

"All I'm sayin' Sara is I think he should marry you"

She looked at him, a look of exasperation on her face "Why can't you just let it go?"

"Because I think that if he loves you, he'll do the right thing by you."

She rolled her eyes as she tagged another drop of blood with a little yellow number "That is so out-of-date, Nick. You do not have to get married to have a child"

"No" He agreed as he took a picture of some bullet casings "You should just be married _before_ you have a child"

"Right...and you live in a bubble"

He sighed, looking over at her as he wiped sweat from his brow. It was late May in Vegas and already the heat was nearly unbearable. "No, I just have morals"

He knew he'd crossed the line when she yanked her kit from its resting-place on the hot Nevada desert, glaring at him coolly. "Tell you what, Nick" She said through gritted teeth "When you get that stick pulled out of your ass, call me"

She turned and strode towards the Denali her steps hard and angry. He watched her go for a moment, moving only as she was about to slam the door closed; he knew Sara well enough to know that she would leave him out there in the heat until someone else came to pick him up.

"Sar..." He called, grabbing the door "Wait..."

She glared ahead, refusing to look at him. "You may think I do not have morals, Nick" She said coldly "But I am doing what I think is right for this baby. If it does not meet your criteria, then you can just go to hell"

He held firmly to the door to keep her from slamming it shut on him "I apologize..."

"No, you don't..." She glanced at him "You're just afraid I'll leave you out here"

"You know me too well" He nearly smiled

"And you should know me" She emphasized "You should know that I won't jump into a marriage just for the sake of a child. When I do marry Gil, I want it to be because we are both ready and not because we created a life together. I do not think that being husband and wife will necessarily make us better parents"

"What about havin' a kid out of wedlock?"

She did look at him then, rolling her eyes "Please Nick...who even says that anymore?"

Damn, it was hot out. "Has he even asked you?"

"What?"

He sighed in frustration "_Marriage_." He emphasized "Has he even asked you?"

"Just get over it!" She snapped. "God, Nicky, please...just let it go"

They were both quiet as the heat surrounded them. He could see the beads of sweat forming on her forehead as the heat from the black Denali intensified the already triple digit desert air. "Has he?"

Her hands gripped the steering wheel as she opened her fingers and gripped it again. "We discussed it" She replied "I am not ready...I do not think we are ready..." She looked at him "When I do get married I want it to be forever and I want it to be for the right reasons. I am not saying I don't love Gil, because I do. But I just do not think we are ready to get married right now...hell, we're barely ready to be parents."

He nodded "You should start this thing before you die of heat stroke"

Finally, she looked right at him as she pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Let's finish here first" She said "Then you can buy me one of those Triple Mocha Mint slushies and some nachos...you owe me big time for putting me through all this grief"

He smiled as she got out of the SUV "Decaf" He said as she slammed the door "Only if you drink decaf..."

"Wedlock" She laughed as she put her sunglasses on and they headed back out to the desert. "The things Vegas does to a person"

* * *

"I hear you have some questions for me" Gil said as he stood at the end of the table Conrad Ecklie sat at eating his lunch.

Conrad looked up at him, finishing his swallow of coffee. "I am at lunch, Grissom"

"I see that" Gil said, sliding into the bench across from him "So you will not mind if I also have lunch?" He ordered a coffee from the waitress, but did not open a menu

Conrad nearly glared at him, setting his napkin aside "Where would you like to start?"

Gil spread his hands apart from where they rested in front of him on the table "You're the one with the questions"

Ecklie waited until the coffee was set in front of Gil before speaking again. "You hear this from Sidle?"

"One in the same"

"You two, uh, patch things up?" He replied with a hint of snippiness, taking another sip of his coffee.

Gil shrugged somewhat indifferently "I guess you could say that" He waited as Conrad took another bite of his eggs and his bosses eyes landed on him again; the accusation in them clear.

"Must have been a pretty big blow up" Conrad said as he shoveled another bite full in his mouth. "I mean, in order for you to kick her completely off your team"

"I can save you a lot of effort, Conrad" Gil began, feeling surprisingly calm. "Sara and I are involved; we had a disagreement."

Conrad raised his eyes "Involved?" He swallowed, never expecting any kind of admission this easy from Gilbert Grissom "Romantically?"

Gil nodded, his coffee cup held between his hands to still his nervous movements. "Intimately"

"Are you insane?" Conrad asked him suddenly "She's having a kid, Grissom..."

"So am I" Gil responded, feeling as his nerves continued to climb. He willed them down, watching the expression on Conrad's face

Conrad stared at him, his face somewhat incredulous. "You had sex with Sidle..." He said as he tried to grasp what he was hearing "And so this is your kid?" Again, Gil nodded so Conrad continued "You're sure this is your kid?"

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Gil bit, going into automatic protective mode

"Nothing." Conrad said quickly, holding up a hand. "Your reaction to this _happy_ news wasn't exactly characteristic of an expectant father, you know."

"I made a rash judgment" Gil said with sound reasoning "I was wrong"

"You sure?" Conrad pushed, knowing he was hitting a raw nerve with Gil. "I mean, first you kick Sidle off your team and soon after Stokes asks for a transfer?"

"Are you implying something Conrad?"

He shrugged "Only pointing out the obvious"

Gil was getting angry. He gripped his cup, counting desperately to 10 and then to 20 before responding with careful calculation "Surmise what you will."

"I don't think I am really surmising anything" Conrad shrugged "At least not anything you haven't already thought about"

Gil pursed his lips, the daggers he was shooting at Conrad belayinig the anger he was trying to control. "I thought about a lot of things, Conrad"

Conrad kept his eyes locked with Gil's, seeing that he had hit a nerve; there was still some doubt in the supervisor's mind. "You realize what this will do to you." He said, leaning forward "You are a respected entomologist; one of the top CSI's in the country..."

"I am also about to be a father" Gil responded, hoping he sounded much more confident than he felt. "...and that is a much more important role than either of those"

"You _are_ insane...why would you even consider having a kid at your age?" He asked incredulously "And not just that, but what were you thinking even getting involved with one of your CSI's? Especially Sidle..."

"Why '_especially Sara'_?"

"She's like dynamite, Gil" Conrad explained

"That's your opinion" Gil said with affirmation "She is just difficult with you because she doesn't like you"

"Obviously I do not have your charm" Conrad shot back with a sarcastic smile.

"Obviously"

They glared at one another before Conrad spoke again "Look, you are a supervisor for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. You have a responsibility to this city, to the department, to your team. Getting sexually involved with a subordinate is completely against departmental policy and is subject to disciplinary action. You knew that; I thought you knew better than that" He sat back in the bench "Do you know what the department will do with the news that your sexual involvement with a subordinate led to a baby?"

"I guess we'll have to leave that up to the department" Gil responded as he slid out of the bench to stand up, tossing a few dollars onto the table as he did so "As long as we are both clear on this. My main responsibility right now is with Sara and our child and I would rather have this out in the open than hidden in a case file somewhere" He nodded as he turned to leave "What you do with it is up to you"

With that he turned and left, feeling the anxiety in his stomach building as he walked away. Gil Grissom had a sinking feeling that he had just signed his resignation letter.

* * *

They stood in the nursery, finishing up some of the trim and hanging the curtains that Catherine had made for the baby. Nick had refinished an old hickory table he'd had since childhood and Sara had it in the corner by the rocking chair Gil's uncle sent them from Brooklyn, a lamp Greg's mother had purchased for the baby carefully placed on top.

It had, Sara thought, truly turned out to be a family affair. This baby was going to have the biggest and best extended family on the planet.

"I still think this should all be at my place" Gil said as he put some wash clothes in the changing table drawer.

Sara looked over at him; the entire moving topic had been a constant discussion over the last two weeks. "After all this work?" She said, "I can't leave this room, Gil. It has a wealth of memories in it. Plus, there's no space at your townhouse for a baby"

"I could make space." He replied, taking her hand to lead her out of the room. "I don't like the idea of you and my daughter living in a separate home"

"And I don't like the idea of moving" She replied, as she had done time and again whenever the topic had come up.

He sighed, taking her into his arms as they reached her front room. He kissed her forehead, resting his forehead against hers. "Marry me, Sara"

She pulled back to look up at him, her breath caught in a slight gasp. "Gil, I..." She began

"Please" His eyes were glowing as he reached in his pocket, pulling out a small box. He moved back slightly, opening the box to reveal a perfect diamond ring.

"Oh, my God..." She breathed, looking at the ring. She looked up at him, shaking her head numbly. "When did you..."

He took her hand. "Is that a yes?"

She was still shaking her head "Gil..." Before she could finish, he swept her to him, kissing her deeply.

He pulled back, laughing. "The baby's kicking"

She put her hand on her abdomen, looking down "Yeah..." She breathed, still in disbelief. She looked back at him, tears in her eyes. "I don't want you to marry me because of a baby"

"Is that what you think?" He asked softly

"I don't want to end up hating each other because we rushed into this." She continued "I don't want you to wake up in a year and realize you made the biggest mistake of your life...I don't want a baby to be the reason you want to marry me...I want you to marry me because you love me. Baby or no baby"

"I _do_ love you." He insisted gently.

She was unconvinced "I don't want you to feel trapped, Gilbert. I want you to know you have options."

"What are my options, Sara?" He asked "Life without you? Life living separately, raising our daughter separately?" Again, he pulled her to him, holding her as close as their growing child would allow "Life without you isn't life; baby or no baby"

She was quiet a long time, her head rested on his shoulder as she breathed in the soothing scent of his cologne, his body. "I don't know..."

He pulled away, leading her to the couch where he sat down with her. "Sara," He began, holding both of her hands. "Before I met you I was content. Content with my bugs and my teaching and my loneliness. But since I have met you I have only been content in your presence. Without you, I'm..." He paused, searching for his words "...nothing" He squeezed her hands. "I created a horrible thing when I walked out on you. I created distrust. I do not ever want to see the look of doubt in your eyes again...if I have to wait for you to say yes just to erase that look, then I will wait. But I need you to know that I have never felt as complete as I feel when I am with you; that I have never loved anyone or anything as desperately as I love you. And I have never, ever in my life been more sure of anything as I am about making you my wife"

He saw the tear slip over the edge of her bottom lid, sliding down her cheek. He reached for it and wiped it away. "I can wait, Sara"

"I don't want to be your biggest mistake"

"No, Honey" He said, cupping her cheek with his hand. "You are my biggest miracle. You saved me...you are the part of myself I cannot live without. My biggest mistake would be living without you"

"Where will we live?" She finally asked, her eyes downcast as she watched his hand in hers

"I guess here...for now"

She was quiet before looking up at him, another tear dropping from her eye. She started nodding, as she wiped it away. "Yes" She said quietly. "Yes, Gilbert...I would love to marry you"

He gathered her into his arms, kissing her lovingly as he again took the ring out of his pocket. As if realizing something was off, he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of her, taking her hand as he slipped the ring on her finger. He looked up at her, seeing the gleam in her eyes. "Guess I did that kind of backwards" He said with embarrassment "You're supposed to start out on the knees..."

She reached forward, cupping his face in her hands before kissing him passionately. "_Now_," She said as she pulled away, grabbing his hand to place it over her stomach "the baby is kicking..."


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own CSI. Probably a good thing, too because I love angst so much. But, I guess so far this season there has been a lot of that, huh?**

**None of these characters are mine unless I have made up a new person; the rest I am playing with, torturing and returning. Sorry for the late update; work is demanding and I have not had as much time as would like**

**POLL: PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHT ON THIS. A few of my readers have asked that I give "alternate" endings for this story; I have three in mind. So that readers could basically 'choose' how they want the story to end. I have the original ending already, but do you want me to offer alternates? Please let me know before I post next chapter. Thanks, Dy**

* * *

Gil would like to have been able to say that he and Sara were completely happy after the proposal; he would like to have believed that their relationship was solid, they were the 'perfect' expectant parents.

The reality, he knew, was that there was still an issue of trust between them; he knew that even now Sara had a difficult time fully trusting him and that the pain he had caused her still lived among them like a constant light fog. He wanted to marry her, to make their relationship, their _family_ permanent but he knew that even marriage could not stifle the sound of the lack of trust

Someone once told him that a relationship without trust was destined to fail; he knew that trust was the foundation of all strong couples. Did that mean he and Sara were not strong? Maybe it was too soon...maybe he needed to try harder...after all, it had only been a few months since she had even accepted him back into her life. It would take longer for her to accept that he was sincere, wouldn't it?

He knew that as much as he would like them to be 'perfectly okay', their relationship was still on rocky ground. It had to be, given their history

He had to admit he had an issue with living in her apartment; or not living in it. He liked his townhouse, it was comforting to him. But, Sara loved the nursery at her apartment; it had emerged from a sense of unity between her and their friends. Mostly, while he was 'missing in action'. How could he ask her to leave it again? She was, after all, adamant and so he had given in, still not understanding why she would not just compromise and move with him to a new, bigger home together.

He did not think she would understand his slight feelings of rejection and animosity over the fact that he had been almost completely uninvolved in the preparation of his child's room. Even though he knew it had been his choice and therefor the fault of no one else, he could not bring to words the emptiness he felt when he stepped into the room.

Especially given that Nick had helped plan the theme and paint the walls. The rash of angry emotions between the two of them still lingered and Gil, no matter how logical he was, could not shake the "little green monster of jealousy" that kept plaguing him. Nick was, after all, the man who was there when he had chosen not to be.

So maybe it wasn't Sara after all who was having trust issues?

After his coffee with Ecklie, he had been 'invited' to a meeting with the lab director. They had sat, rather uncomfortably, in the large overly expensive office with the silence nearly drowning Gil. He had known, without a doubt, that he would be suspended for his involvement with Sara. What he had not expected was the overall acceptance and understanding of their relationship. He had been given a few days off without pay as a standard procedure and both he and Sara had to sign documentation during the inquiry that stated their "relationship" had been mutual and that she had not been given any "promises of compensation, promotion or other monetary reward" in exchange for sex.

Sara had laughed later at home, saying that what she had gotten in exchange for sex was months of heart burn and the potential for stretch marks

* * *

On Sara's 30th week of pregnancy, she woke early. She had been taken off of fieldwork two weeks earlier and was surprised that she had enjoyed processing so much; she had forgotten how much she'd enjoyed laboratory work. Not just that, but working with Wendy and David was a welcome, relaxing change from crime scene investigation. Today, however, she was slotted on the day shift since both Gil and Catherine insisted that the graveyard hours were "taking a toll on her"

Gil had gone in the evening before, still on the graveyard shift. He made sure to complain about it, not liking being away from her at night. She reminded him it was only for awhile longer, after the birth he had put in for all of his leave at once, giving him ample time to spend with both her and their daughter.

Sara couldn't help but again wonder if having a tiny baby around, one that demanded his emotional commitment, would scare him enough to second-guess his decisions. He had given her no indication that he was having any second thoughts, but Sara knew Gil well enough to know that he would balk in the face of extreme emotional confrontations. She did not know if there was a more confrontational emotional moment than the birth of a child. She did not want any overwhelming feelings to scare him away just when she was getting used to his support.

Stepping off of the elevator, she felt a tingle go through her as the day shift receptionist watched her oddly. She knew there had been a lot of whispers about her and Gil over the last few weeks; after all, the news that he was her child's father was big within the confines of the lab. Still, the discomfort she felt was overwhelming.

As she passed by the front desk the day shift receptionist turned to another administrative assistant as they spoke and Sara could feel her cheeks begin to flush. Passing by another small office area, she saw many heads turn her way and whispers went around the room.

"_Can you believe that is Dr. Grissom's?" _Sara heard a voice say, lower than they thought she could hear.

"_Can you image having sex with him?"_ Another voice said_ "God, I'd love to do him..."_

"_Everyone knows she's been after him for years; who knows what she did to get him in the sack"_

"_Wonder what she had to do to get him to ask her to marry him?"_

There was a little laugh _"Isn't that obvious?"_

_"Entrapment...works every time"_

"_It won't last." _ Came the reply _"He's been a bachelor for too long...they'll be divorced by the time that baby is two years old"_

"_If that"_

Sara stopped, looking into the room as suddenly it was filled with silence. She knew her cheeks were burning red enough to match her red wrap around blouse and that her eyes probably shot daggers at the women involved. "Maybe you could put wagers on that" She said coolly "After all, it is Vegas...gambling is legal you know"

With that she turned and walked away, trying hard to maintain a careful composure as she heard more muffled whispers. What she really wanted to do was run back the way she had came and never step foot in the building again. Catherine had told her there was a reason she never worked the day shift; she said the rumor mill was amok with any new piece of gossip it could eat. Now Sara wished she fought the decision to move her on days as opposed to nights or even graveyard.

As she rounded into Gil's office, she felt an overwhelming sense of relief to find him still at his desk, finishing up paperwork. He looked up at her as she closed the door and his face lit up. "Hey, beautiful" he greeted as he removed his glasses, standing up so he could come around the desk to her

She allowed his arms around her, feeling the tension in her begin to ebb as he hugged her close, causing the baby to roll and kick simultaneously; he laughed. Putting a hand on her stomach he smiled broadly "Good morning to you, too" He said as he looked down before kissing Sara's forehead softly. "How was your night?"

She nodded. "I hate the day shift"

He gave her a perplexed look "You just got here"

She sighed "Yes, but already I have the urge to scream and pull hair out"

He nodded "The gossip mill?"

"Yeah" She said as she followed him to his desk and sat across from him "You hear it too?"

"All of the time" he said with a slight smile "Although what I usually hear is what a stud I must be to keep up with a '_young thing like you' _and father a child at my age"

Sara laughed at that "Well...if you want _my_ opinion..."

"No" He held his hand up with a smile "Save it for the gossip mill"

"What?" She shot back playfully "You do not think I should tell them what a wild man you are in the bedroom?"

"Only the bedroom?"

She smiled, a hand on her growing abdomen "Not that I have been too wild myself lately with this thing in the way..."

He gazed at her; he loved her, God help him "I think you are fantastic" He said softly

They were quiet, her face flushing slightly before she spoke again "How do you deal with it?"

"I am fortunately only here for a few hours of the day shift" He said with a slight nod "And most of that time is spent in here...safe in the confines of my office"

They were quiet as he placed his glasses back on and resumed his review of the night's work "I want a transfer, then"

His lips pursed and he cocked his head as he gave another nod "I am sure I can work something out with your boss" He said "After all, rumor has it that she and I have _'a little thing going on' _on the side you know...although rumor also has it Catherine sleeps with almost every guy in the lab..." He shrugged "...maybe even with Sophia..."

Sara laughed a full laugh that made him giggle in return. "Well, you know Catherine does have a way with people..."

"Now _that_ sounds like the gossip mill..."

* * *

"Sidle?" Ecklie barked as he came into the layout room, making her stop, frozen in spot as she removed the soiled sweatshirt from the bag.

She looked over at him, trying to smile "What is it, Ecklie?"

"Why are you here?" He stood near the doorway, files in hand

"Uhm..." She looked around her "I'm working?"

He rolled his eyes incredulously "Cut the crap" he said "I mean, why are you _here_? On this shift?"

She placed the sweatshirt in front of her on the table, shrugging "I'm working" She repeated

"Not this shift" He said, coming in closer "You were transferred to days"

She nodded "I _was_...it didn't work out"

He sighed "Look, Sidle...I know that you need to have certain _preferential_ treatment due to your pregnancy, and I fully support that. But you cannot take advantage of that and your relationship with Grissom to get what you want" He said firmly "It isn't fair to other people"

She placed her hands flat on the table in front of her "What other people, Conrad?" She asked "There isn't anyone else I know who is vying for a spot on this shift to sort through vomit soaked evidence...basically I did someone a favor by opening up a spot on the day shift"

"You cannot keep bouncing around..."

"I'm not" She replied with reasoning "I swear, Conrad, if I would have bumped anyone else to come back to this shift I would have just bucked up and stayed on days." She smiled at him softly, knowing that killing him with kindness was better than arguing with him.

He was speechless, having expected an emotional tirade to defend himself against. "You and Grissom are both on thin ice, Sara" He explained "Do not think that you are not being watched"

She nodded "Well," She replied "Since our relationship has obviously been accepted by the lab director and I am no longer his direct report, I do not see that as a problem"

He returned her nod "You don't think this is completely wrong?"

She shook her head "I think you should just let it go. For the sake of what is best for this department, I would think you should focus your attention on something important; not just spend your time brewing over Gilbert Grissom and some twisted personal vendetta." She paused thoughtfully "It makes you look bitter and insecure...if you want my opinion"

He glared at her unsure if he was angry at her words or her seemingly friendly indifference. "Well, I don't want your opinion" He snapped "Just remember your position here, Sidle. You are not in charge of your assignments, got that?"

"Of course" She replied as he turned to storm out. She sighed heavily, thinking for the umpteenth time that she would not come back to the lab after the baby was born. She had, effectively, had enough.

* * *

"How much crap do you have?" Catherine asked, heaving another box into the back of her Denali

"You have seen my townhouse" Gil replied curtly "Truckloads..."

She scoffed, chewing her gum as she observed him through her sunglassed eyes. It was nearly 10 AM and they had left the lab that morning to bring a few of his things over to Sara's apartment; she was exhausted. "Can't you hire a moving company or something?"

"No" He replied with simplicity "I am not moving"

"So, you're moving in with Sara but you're not moving" She said as she crossed her arms in front of herself "That's genius"

"I am keeping the townhouse...at least for awhile" He said as he put another box in the back

"And what are you going to do with it?" She asked with a smart-ass tone "You either live together as a family or you don't...you cannot have it both ways"

"I am not ready to give it up yet, Catherine" He replied "It has been a big part of my life"

"So has Sara" She replied. "This is just a house..."

"It's my house"

She rolled her eyes, popping her gum as she headed back towards his town house "Grow up"

They had just finished putting all of his study manuals in the Denali, Gil running back in to make sure he had collected everything for that trip. Catherine stood, digging through one of the boxes when the sound of a car pulling up next to her made her look up. To her dismay, she saw Heather Kessler climbing out of the driver's side to approach her.

"Catherine" She greeted with her usual dripping charm "How nice to see you"

Catherine really wanted to say something completely inappropriate, instead choosing a smile "Hello, Heather"

Heather looked towards the back of the Denali, squinting "Are these Gilbert's things?"

"No, I just thought I'd start a collection of a really boring entomological nature" Catherine said, closing her eyes as she caught her own sarcasm "Yes. These are Gil's"

"Is he moving?" Another charming smile

"You could say that"

"Well..." She looked toward the house "Perhaps I should speak to him? I did not know he was leaving this place"

Catherine tried to bite her tongue, but when Heather began walking towards the stairs she spoke "You know, Heather" she began, trying to sound much more civil than she really felt "I don't know if you know this or not, but Gil's going to have a family." When Heather stopped to look at her she continued "He's moving in with his fiance...they're having a daughter in a few months. Maybe it is best if you just..." She shrugged, a huge smile on her face "...leave?"

She saw the gears moving in the other woman's head and wondered what exactly she was thinking "A family?" she asked, another drip of charm falling to the ground "How_ lovely_. I should give him my congratulations"

Catherine reached out to grab her arm "No" She said with her own fake charm "You really shouldn't. I think what you should do is march your shiny little butt back into your car and drive away...at least, if you know what is good for you that is what you'll do"

Heather gave her a cold, calculated glare "Are you threatening me CSI Willows?"

"Oh, trust me" Catherine grinned coolly "I don't have to threaten you...and don't even try that CSI shit with me; I'm off the clock"

Heather yanked her arm away "I see" She said as she glanced at the house one more time "It is nice to know that Gilbert has such an attentive _friend_"

"A friend that'll kick your ass if you don't get in your car and leave..._please_"

Putting her sunglasses on, Heather backed away before turning to slowly get back in her car, saying before she left: "I am sure Gilbert will call me..." She grinned "...he always does" With that she opened the door and climbed in, revving the engine as she backed out smoothly.

As Catherine watched her pull away, Gil came down the stairs looking towards the retreating vehicle "Was that Heather?"

Looking at him, she shook her head. "No...just some idiot who needed directions..."

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own CSI. If I did, Warrick would still be alive, Sara would still be in Vegas and Grissom would never leave. Here is an update. Sorry so long between. Not much time to write. Most of you who gave an opinion on the ending would like a happy ending so keep the faith. I do have to say that I am enjoying Sara and Gil's new relationship. They are both growing and changing...even though they are already adults  


* * *

**

"Wait...." Sara said with slight confusion, her spoon poised in the air "why would she say she hasn't had a kiss since '24 if they're married?"

He looked over at her, thinking for the millionth time how he loved her this way: relaxed, happy, simple. They lay on the bed, pillows stacked behind them as they watched an old black and white Twilight Zone; it was a show Sara could not seem to get enough of. "I think she is being sarcastic" He replied

"Oh..." She took another bite of the ice cream as the old man on the TV screen kissed his wife on the cheek "I didn't think they allowed that back then"

He smiled "What? Sarcasm?"

Another bite of ice cream "No, kissing. On TV"

"Yeah" He replied as he took her spoon for a bite of her chocolate layered snack "Pornographic..."

A few minutes of silence passed as Sara became completely absorbed in the program. He would steal glances at her occasionally; smiling to himself at her complete fascination with the story line as he made a mental note to file the moment away for later

Finally, just as the show was coming to an end she exclaimed "What? He died?...are you kidding me?"

"He's a ghost, Sara" He nodded at the TV, pointing out the story line they'd been watching for over ten minutes

"People don't come back as ghosts" She replied in disgust "So...they've been married for fifty years but he spends all of eternity with a dog?" She shook her head, putting her bowl on the nightstand as she flicked the TV off, looking over at him "I've seen that one before anyway"

Smiling, he moved closer to her, taking her hand as he lay his head on her shoulder. They lay like this for awhile as he play with her hand, intertwining their fingers as the comfortable silence surrounded them. "You ever get scared?" She asked after a deep breath "I mean...of all this?"

He was quiet, studying her long delicate fingers. "Do you?"

She sighed "Sometimes...it's just...it seems so overwhelming, you know? And it is so easy right now to push it all aside...not think about it but..." she shrugged. "Ignore the fact that in a few more weeks we're going to have a baby...a _baby_...but, every once in awhile I stop and really think about it and it just terrifies me"

"Well," He breathed, letting go of her hand to trace tiny circles around the bulge of her abdomen. "What are you most afraid of?"

She was thoughtful "Change?" She said with uncertainty "Everything is going to change for us, Gil. Our entire life, for the rest of our life...we're going to responsible for this little baby and...God...I just don't know how to do that"

Again, he was quiet. His index finger softly circling around the cloth over her belly button. "Honey, I don't think any parent really knows what they're doing" He said as he looked up at her "It's normal to have anxiety...

"Don't you ever get scared?"

"All of the time." He admitted "But I realize that people with children evolve, Sara. They grow along with their children. When you first have a tiny baby, you adapt to a new life involving that baby. It becomes routine, normal...before you know it the baby is a year old, or two....or sixteen...or twenty..." He paused as he resumed tracing his finger along her abdomen "You know that the more things change the more they stay the same. One day you wake up and realize that everything you have ever worried about is already happening, and it isn't as bad as you thought"

"You seem so calm and I am freaking out"

He looked at her again. "I am calm because even though I get scared, I realize that I would not trade where we are now or where we are going for anything else." He studied her a moment, scanning her eyes, her nose, her mouth "I am not saying I do not worry about what will happen; I wake up thinking about it sometimes. But it doesn't change the fact that I would not change a thing about this...The only thing I _would_ change would be the way I treated you...if I had known what I know now, I probably would have swung you around the room in celebration...that is definitely what I'll do the next time"

She gave him a crooked grin "The next time?"

He snuggled against her again, his head safely on her shoulder "Yeah..." He murmured. "However we have to get married first. And build a house..." He lifted his head to kiss her softly "But I definitely..._definitely_...want there to be a next time"

* * *

Sara had just finishing stripping Gil's bed when she heard the doorbell ring. As soon as her 34th week check up was complete and they were pulling from the clinic's driveway, he informed her that he had decided to sale the townhouse. It was time, he said, to put his lonely past aside and quit trying to 'preserve' a memory of bachelorhood.

Sara, of course, had been thrilled. She knew how much he loved his townhouse, how disappointed he was that she would not move there with him and even though she felt a little guilty making him choose, she couldn't help but feel victorious in the battle of the houses. They had decided to put the money from the sale in savings, adding to it as their daughter grew so that they could build a new home together in a few years. To Sara, his decision cemented his commitment to her; sacrificing a place he could run away to when things got tough told her he had no intention of running away

Piling up the covers, she tossed them onto the floor as she made her way from the room. Everything had already been boxed up, piles of cardboard and newspaper scattered around the living room. Warrick and Greg had helped bring some things to storage while still other items moved to Sara's apartment, replacing some of her items that she sent to storage. Nick, still, was having difficulty being in the same room with Gil and all of Sara's lectures about 'getting over it' seemed to do little good.

Catherine had put Sara on a lighter schedule, having her work only 4 days per week on a strict 8-hours per day schedule; Sara hated it. But, having both Gil and Catherine signing off on the paperwork, she had bowed down gracefully once she realized she could not win the argument against the two CSI supervisors

Moving around the boxes in the front room, Sara made her way to the front door and pulled it open. Her stomach jumped into her throat at the sight of Heather Kessler

"Hello, Sara" Heather greeted "I was hoping to catch Gilbert here"

"Well, you caught me" Sara replied coldly

Heather scanned Sara's body as she had done months earlier, this time a strange curve playing on her lips "It appears I am not the only one"

Sara's hand went to her abdomen and she smiled, this time the emotion she was feeling was more one of pride than the humility she had felt the last time she had run into Heather. "Yeah...we're due in six-weeks"

"We?" Heather drawled "Gilbert a father? I think that is lovely"

"What do you want, Heather?"

"May I come in?"

"No"

Heather grinned with amazing charm "Do you not wish to speak to me?"

Sara shrugged "I honestly cannot think of any reason I would ever want to speak to you"

"You do not have any reason to hate me, Sara" She said, "I am no threat to you. After all, you are having Gilbert's child...I am just his friend"

"That's nice" Sara replied in a cool tone "But, Gil already has plenty of friends"

"You are jealous?" Again, Heather's eyes flicked Sara's appearance "Why would you be jealous of me?"

Sara did not respond, fighting the overwhelming urge to slam the door. As if sensing this, Heather continued "Before you close the door, just understand that Gilbert has loved you intensely for years; I have never stood a chance against you. If anyone should hate someone, it is I who should hate you."

"Then why do you keep coming around?" Sara asked with a hint of anger

"You might say that I have always been immensely curious about the woman holding onto his heart" Heather replied "However, he has always kept you hidden away like a rare piece of art...a prima donna, if you will...completely untouchable by the rest of the world"

Sara crossed her arms in front of her, holding her ground. "We met." She said simply "At the hospital? Did you forget?"

"Of course I did not forget" Heather replied, crossing her own arms "The minute you walked into the room I felt innately minuscule. And then when he walked in..." she shrugged "...not even a fool could have missed that you held his heart in your hand"

_But he still spent the night_ Sara thought. "Look, Heather..." She began in a husky tone "I don't want to be rude..."

"The key to a successful relationship is foregoing all of the insecurities" She replied "As long as you are insecure about our relationship, you will never be secure in yours"

Sara stared at her a moment, lost in thought. Finally and with great reluctance she stepped aside and allowed Heather to enter the townhouse.

* * *

"Well, why didn't you just tell me?" Sara's voice said over the phone

"Would you have really listened?" He responded, shuffling the file on his desk

"Yes"

"No" He tossed the file aside, grabbing another one "All you ever heard when you heard the name Heather was sex. You never listened beyond the name"

"Fair" She replied "But I did have my reasons"

"No, you did not" He insisted, still not sure he was pleased about Heather's decision to 'make nice' with Sara despite his resistance. "I never gave you any reason to believe that there was anything between the two of us other than friendship."

"You stayed the night with her"

"You have stayed the night with Nick" he replied "I could suddenly develop an issue over that"

"That was years ago"

"That was last year"

"You're keeping track?"

"Wouldn't you?

She sighed. "Nick is like my brother. That isn't even the same"

"You still stayed the night. And he is not your brother so it is the same"

"He's my friend"

"And Heather is mine"

"Okay, fair enough." She sighed "You did not have to be so secretive about it"

"I am secretive about everything...it is my nature"

"You should not be secretive with me"

"I am not" He said simply "I just do not speak of these things"

"And therein lies the problem" She replied "When you do not say anything, sometimes it is easiest to assume"

"And when your assumptions are wrong?"

She sighed "Then you should still just talk to me....still, I am glad she came over"

"I am glad you did not kill her" He replied

"Well, we are not best friends" She said "But we do understand one another. And I am sorry I did not trust you"

He smiled slightly "I have told you, Sara, that sex without love is pointless and only sex with someone you love makes you happy...you are the only woman who has ever made me happy. It should not take a heart-to-heart with Heather to make you understand that"

She was quiet "I know"

"You should be sleeping"

"I know"

"I will be home in a few hours, Honey" He said softly "Get some sleep...."

"I will"

"Sara?" he said before she hung up "I love you"


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay. This chapter takes a slight turn; kind of worked in part of the original in with a new ending to this section. Keep the faith! I had enough votes from readers who wanted happy, not tragic. Plus, I had written the 'more tragic' ending prior to the season premiere so after that I wanted to change this anyway. More to come; this story is far from finished**

* * *

"What do you mean you're sending her out?" Catherine stood in Conrad's office, having barged in after hanging up on his phone call a few minutes earlier.

"Just what I said" he replied callously "We're short handed, Brown needs a partner, Sidle is going."

"She's nearly eight months pregnant, Conrad!" Catherine protested "I put her on non-active status over a month ago!"

"Sorry, Catherine" He replied "Guess I forgot to sign the form"

She looked at him incredulously "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem" He said with cold sarcasm "Is that your little CSI's _boyfriend_ manages to skate by any disciplinary action by playing on the sympathies of the department heads." He gave her a disheartening look "Sidle has sex with a supervisor and walks away unscathed. She thinks she gets extra privileges, but it isn't working with me"

"You are unbelievable" Catherine responded "You're willing to jeopardize Sara's health for some long-sought personal vendetta?"

"I am not jeopardizing anything. This is a low profile case with an easy workload; she just has to take pictures" He looked down, filling in paperwork as if dismissing her. "I am sure even Sidle can handle that"

At that point, Sara walked in, looking at them both. "Handle what?"

Catherine gave Conrad a final glare before turning to Sara. "Guess you're with Warrick today" She said.

Sara nodded, unfazed. "In the field?"

"Is that a problem?" Ecklie asked

She shook her head "No...just wanting to make sure I am not in _violation_ of some departmental policy"

"Don't be a smart ass, Sidle" he nearly barked "You're on thin ice, remember?"

Sara smiled over at Catherine "Yeah, so I've heard"

With that she walked out towards Warrick who left his resting-place against the wall, where he'd waited out the confrontation.

Catherine watched as Sara approached him, saying something that made him laugh. As she watched, Sara gave Warrick a friendly punch in the arm and he reached out to grab her, pulling her into a bear hug before they walked, arm in arm down the hallway.

She smiled. Although she did not agree with Conrad, she felt one final day with Warrick in the field before she was stuck in the lab all day was just what Sara needed.

She didn't realize how wrong she was.

* * *

"I still can't believe you got him to move" Warrick commented as they headed towards the site 15-miles outside of Vegas "Man, Grissom hates change...or did" He looked over at her with a smile. "You've really changed him...I have never seen the man this happy" He paused "Actually, I've never seen him giddily happy. He's got it bad"

She smiled. "Got what?"

"You" He said "You know how it is when a guy is madly in love with someone and they get all starry eyed and absent minded? Never thought I'd see Gil Grissom that way, but I gotta say he has never been quite the same since you came to Vegas. I always knew the man had the hots for you..."

"Hots" She laughed "I think 50-year old men don't get the hots"

"Yeah, that's what you think" He grinned back "That's 'cause you're not a guy"

They were quiet a few minutes before he continued "And married? I can't imagine him married. That's big...I mean, a baby is big but marriage?" He shook his head "That is a really huge step"

"Yeah" Sara replied, taking a sip of the lemonade he'd bought her at the convenience store at the edge of town. "It feels huge"

"Not as huge as you" He said, giving her a sideways smile. "I think you better lay off them Nachos, Sara."

She smiled "Thanks, Warrick" She said in her casual smooth tone "You're lookin' pretty damn good yourself"

He laughed "I'm happy for you" He said with sincerity "I mean, at first I was really weirded out by the whole you and Grissom thing...but, what the hell? This is Vegas, you know." He shrugged "You two are gonna be great parents...this is gonna be one smart kid"

"It's all the nachos" She replied with a smile

"More like explosive DNA" He commented, returning her smile "The Grissom-Sidle combo. The kid'll come out reciting Shakespeare and solving quantum physics"

"Nah..." She said with another sip of lemonade "More like Baby Einstein and Sesame Street." She swirled the straw around in the cup "I've started watching them...Baby Einstein...I've heard that baby's really like that stuff so I'm trying to get into the rhythm...Gil's not so in-tune with it yet....says he just doesn't get it"

He laughed, trying to picture Gil Grissom watching a baby cartoon. "He doesn't get a lot of things"

They were both quiet for a few minutes, watching the scenery go by before he said, "I'm glad it worked out for you, Sara. I know it was pretty rough for awhile"

"Yeah." She sighed "We didn't exactly handle the situation like educated adults"

He scoffed "Just because you're intelligent doesn't mean you're smart"

"Funny how that works" She said as she put the empty cup into the cup holder

"You think of a name yet?" He asked, his sunglassed eyes watching the road spread out before them. They had been called out on a DB found in the middle of an ATV trail and the road was lined with hills and valleys; a favorite hang out for illegal sport utilities and big trucks to race around in.

"Well," She said again smoothly. "Gil wants to name her Gabriella Marie. Marie after his mother and Gabriella so she'll have his initials" She smiled over at him, her hand rubbing her abdomen "I like Isabella; Isabella Catherine"

"That is a beautiful name." He said, glancing at her quickly. "So, Catherine as in Catherine Willows?"

"Yeah" She replied thoughtfully "Cath has done so very much for me through all of this. She was the first person I told about the pregnancy, the only one who knew about Gil...." She paused, "She was my rock through all of this...she is the closest thing to a sister I have ever had. I think it is only fitting that that I name my first daughter after her"

He smiled "That's real nice, Sara." Then "So...first daughter? You guys planning more?"

She shrugged. "Well, we have to survive the birth of this one first...but, we've discussed it. Neither of us want our daughter growing up as an only child; Gil knows how lonely that can be" She yawned "I think we'd like to have two. Maybe actually plan the next one"

"Gil Grissom a dad" he said with a shake of the head "...the things Vegas does to a person"

It happened so quickly that Warrick wasn't sure it had happened at all. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a dark object approaching rapidly. In a blaze of glass and scraping metal, he felt a jolt that sent his head sideways into the window, shattering the glass as the Denali was spun 90 degrees, tipping slightly before slamming back down on all four wheels to sit sideways on the interstate.

Time seemed to slow as he scrambled to understand what had just happened; everything around him seemed surreal and dream-like. As if in slow motion, the 4-wheel drive truck that had flown over the embankment to broad side them rolled by the front of the Denali, rolling into the ditch on the other side of the road. His arm seared with pain and as he looked down, he realized it was broken.

"Sara?" He struggled to move so that he could see her, the Denali's bent frame making the task difficult. "Sara?"

Turning, he attempted to get the seat belt off, crying out in pain as his dangling arm protested his every move. He looked over at her as he struggled with the clip, his panic increasing; she wasn't moving.

Finally releasing the clasp, he ignored the pain as he pushed aside the slowly deflating air bag and crawled closer to her. "Sara?" he called, reaching for her head. "Come on, Girl! Sara?" He began picking glass out of her hair, the thick blood from her wound coating his hand. "Sara!" He cried "Oh, God, Girl...c'mon...don't do this! Please, Sara..."

Her eyelids fluttered open, her glazed brown eyes staring straight ahead. "Sara? Sara, can you hear me?"

"My head hurts..." She said quietly

He looked her over, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "It's okay" He soothed. "You're okay...."

Sounds from outside alerted him to people approaching the Denali and he looked up as a man approached Sara's side. "Get some help!" He yelled to him "She's pregnant! For God's sake, call an ambulance!"

He looked back down at Sara, continuing his diligent task of removing the glass from her hair. She remained placid and calm, her eyes looking straight ahead and he wondered if she realized what was going on around her. Feeling something wet on his hand as it braced her head he looked down. Blood was slowly trickling from her left ear where it rested on his palm _'Oh, Shit...'_ He thought.

"Sara?" He asked, his face laced with panicked desperation "Sara? Stay with me, okay? You gotta stay with me, Sara....can you look at me? Can you see me Sara?" She did not respond and he looked around him, hoping for anyone who could help him get her out of the SUV. Vaguely in the background he could hear the sirens approaching.

"You gotta hang on" He told her. "Sara? You gotta hang on, okay? The ambulance is on the way....Oh, God...please Sara..."

"I'm okay...." She breathed out, her eyebrows furrowing "Oh, God....the baby, Warrick...."

"_I need some help here_!" He screamed out, looking back down at her "Sara...your head is bleeding..."

"The baby..." She murmured, her eyes beginning to close

"No!" He screamed, shaking her lightly "Stay awake! Open your eyes! C'mon Sara!"

There was a rush of noise around him and suddenly a paramedic approached the vehicle, looking in at them. "Are you injured?" he asked Warrick

"She needs to get to a hospital" Warrick told him "She's hurt really bad..."

"Are _you_ injured?" The man repeated

"_SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"_ Warrick screamed "NOW!"

He held her hand as the fire department cut the side of the car away, refusing any treatment until they had seen to Sara's care. She faded in and out as they loaded her into the ambulance.

"Questions came at him like gunshots:

"_What's her name?"_

"_How far along is she?"_

"_Does she have any other medical conditions we need to be aware of?"_

"_Do you know her immediate family?"_

As the clock ticked, he barely remembered responding

"_Sara...Sara Sidle...we're with the Las Vegas Crime Lab"_

"_Eight months? Seven and a half months? I don't know....She's due in August...Sara? C'mon Sara...."_

"_I don't think she has any other conditions....Sara? Stay awake, okay?"_

_Family? Grissom...he had to call Grissom

* * *

  
_

Gil sat at the trial, listening intently as the suspect was questioned. As he listened, he made mental notes of points to counter when he was called. Next to him, his phone vibrated against his hip and he reached down to stop the motion, his attention back on the events in front of him.

He had seen Sara only briefly in passing that morning; they had barely time to wave a greeting as he was whisked off by the undersheriff to prep for his testimony. He had made a mental note to go in after his testimony and take her to lunch. He felt somewhat guilty for not calling her during the last recess, but the attorneys had congregated on him and he was unable to break away

Vibration alerted him that he again had a call and this time he reached down to see who the caller was; Warrick. Halting the ring again, he flipped the phone off and he made another mental note to call him back as soon as the judge released him.

Minutes ticked by as the witnesses were called and Gil began to wish he'd have gotten a little sleep before the trial; it had been a long night. After another hour of testimony, the door to the courtroom opened and he watched as Jim Brass came in and was pointed in his direction by the court officer.

Gil watched him only momentarily before turning back to the judge. As Brass came up to him, Gil could sense the urgency in his actions "You need to answer your damn phone" He whispered harshly

"I am in a courtroom" Gil replied quietly "I cannot answer it here...sit down"

"You need to come with me." Jim said gravely without moving to sit "There's been an accident..."

Gil felt a tingle of alarm go through him as he looked at Jim, furrowing his eyebrows "Accident?"

"Sara and Warrick were in an accident" Jim reiterated more forcefully "You need to come with me"

Gil did not recall leaving the courtroom; he barely remembered the drive to the hospital as Jim explained what he knew from Warrick, which was not much. Warrick, he said, had tried calling Gil several times from the scene, trying to alert him to head to the hospital. Gil felt his heart stop as he realized he had turned the phone off instead of just answering it.

All that Gil knew as they pulled up in front of Desert Palms Hospital was that Sara was injured. He jumped out of Jim's cruiser as soon as it came to a stop at the front of the building and ran into the trauma unit, searching frantically for the front desk.

As he approached the desk, he could see Catherine out of the corner of his eye as she stood from her spot in the waiting room. The receptionist at the desk looked up at him

"Can I help you?" She greeted

"Sara" He spat out "Sara Sidle...is she here?"

The receptionist nodded "Are you family?"

"I'm her fiance..."

The girl looked up at him with a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, Sir. She's still in trauma, I don't have any information yet."

"Can I see her?" He asked, panicked

She shook her head "I cannot allow anyone back there until she is stable"

"No" He shook his head "You do not understand...she's my world...she's...we're having a baby..."

The girl watched him, her eyes sympathetic "I am sorry, Sir. I cannot let you back there until she is stable"

_Stable._ He ran a hand through his hair "The baby?" He asked "What about the baby?"

The girl scanned the computer screen before looking back up at him "I'm sorry; I don't have any information yet."

Gil opened his mouth to argue when he felt a hand on his arm, turning to see Catherine "They won't let me see her..." He said softly

"Come on" She said with a slight tug on his arm "We'll wait for the doctor..."

_"I don't want to wait!_" He suddenly exploded, another hand through his hair as he looked back to the receptionist "Can't you let me back there? I'm with the crime lab! I should have some right to go back there!"

The woman gave him a wide eyed look, glancing at Catherine for help "Gil..." Catherine said as she pulled on him "Come on....she's just doing her job"

"I really am sorry, Sir" The woman said with quiet sincerity "Really"

He nodded at her, his temper soothing as he allowed Catherine to pull him away to the waiting area. He paced as she sat back down and he would stop occasionally to look through the swinging doors that led to the long hallway to Sara.

"What happened, Catherine?" He asked in a stressed voice "What was she doing with Warrick? Why was she out there?"

She opened her mouth, looking at her hands "Ecklie sent her...."

"What?"

"To take photographs...at the crime scene..."

"What?" He stopped pacing, looking over at her "You are her supervisor! Why didn't you stop him? She's not supposed to be out in the field, Catherine!"

She looked at him, her eyes rimmed with tears "Gil, please..."

He sighed, going over to sit next to her. Taking her hand, he hung his head "I apologize...that was..." He stopped "...uncalled for....I just...I don't know what is wrong. I don't know how she is; I don't know if she is okay...I don't know anything..."

"I know" She replied quietly, wiping a tear from her eye

The front door opened and Jim came in, having parked the car before joining them. He came to sit across from them "I called Nick and Greg; they're on their way. Have you heard anything?"

Gil was silent, his head in his hands as Catherine shook her head.

After fifteen minutes of silence, one of the doors opened and Gil looked up to see Warrick come out; his left arm in a cast with scrapes along his left cheek. Upon seeing him, Gil stood up to walk over to him

"Grissom" Warrick began, reaching out to hug the older man "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

They stayed that way a few moments before Warrick let him go, wiping at his eyes "I didn't see the guy, man...he came out of nowhere..."

"Sara?" Gil asked, his voice laden with a quiet desperation

Warrick looked away "I dunno....she was bleedin' pretty bad, Griss..."

As Nick and Greg rushed through the front door, Warrick explained the group what had happened including the fact that the guy who had hit them was drunk; out 4-wheeling with his buddies in his new truck and did not even realize there was a road on the other side of the bank he decided to jump.

"She was brave" He sniffed, trying hard to keep his emotions from showing "I tried to keep her awake...she was worried about the baby..." He covered his face "I'm so sorry...."

Catherine grabbed his hand, holding it tight "She's a fighter, guys" She said. "She'll be alright."

As Nick glanced at Gil, he could see the torment on his face. "They'll be alright" he said with a nod, knowing Gil was thinking of not just Sara but their daughter as well "Stay strong"

After what seemed to be an eternity, the trauma doors opened and a scrubs clad doctor came out to look over the group. "Gilbert Grissom?"

Gil jumped up to greet him "How is Sara?"

"Why don't we have a seat?" The doctor asked, motioning for Gil to the chair he had just vacated

Gil stood for a lingering moment, knowing that 'why don't we have a seat' meant that it was bad news. Finally, he sat and felt Catherine's soft hand grasp his again. He was forever indebted to her strength at that moment

"Miss Sidle has suffered a fairly significant head injury" the doctor began "There is concern about fluid around the skull. We may need to insert an ICU to monitor and alleviate the pressure, but we are still running tests"

Gil felt his stomach curdle, his hand within Catherine's suddenly feeling very damp "How significant?"

"At this point it is too early to determine" The doctor continued "We are doing an MRI right now and that will tell us more about the severity of the injury, but until we have those results we do not know the prognosis"

Gil felt his mouth go try, suddenly feeling as though he were about to black out. Next to him, Catherine seemed to sense his thoughts and asked "What about the baby?"

The doctor sighed "At this point all of our tests indicate the fetus is unharmed." He said "We have put Miss Sidle on an intravenous tocolytic drip to stop signs of preterm labor and it is again, too early to determine if the labor will progress or stop on its own. Right now, our main concern with the fetus is to prevent delivery until at least 3 or 4 more weeks; we need to give it the chance to fully develop lung capacity"

Gil felt a wave of relief wash over him that mixed with his anguish "When can I see her?"

"As soon as we know what the MRI results are." He said as he stood up "We should know something within the hour"

Gil sat motionless as Nick thanked the doctor for his time and he disappeared back behind the swinging doors. Sitting back down, Nick looked at Gil; his face was a ghostly pale "You okay, man?" He asked

Gil barely responded, looking up at him before looking back down "She's my whole world..." he said sadly "...how could this happen?"

They were silent, no one knowing how to respond. Gil stood slowly, looking away from them all. "I'm going to the chapel" He said "Please...find me if I am not back?"

With that he walked slowly away, disappearing around a corner that led to the small hospital corridor. Gil knew he hadn't been the most faithful man over the last few years, but he also knew it was a higher power that had sent him Sara and blessed him with the chance to be a father.

Gil also knew, it was a higher power that could keep him from losing them both.

* * *

"Mr. Grissom?" Gil looked up from the bench he had been sitting on, his head bowed in quiet conversation.

He looked up as a taller man walked towards him, his uniform indicating that he was the Chief of Medicine. Extending his hand to Gil, he shook it as he met him in the aisle way "I'm Dr. Darbant. Your friends said I would find you here"

Gil barely nodded "How is Sara?"

The doctor smiled slightly "All of her tests are normal" He said "No signs of internal hemorrhage or bleeding in the skull. We need to keep her for a few days for observation, but she should make a full recovery"

He felt his legs buckle and knew he was going to go down when the doctor reached out to grab him "Are you alright? Do you need to sit?"

"No" Gil shook his head, trying to regain his composure "Can I see her?"

The doctor nodded "That is why I came to find you"

He walked into the room, feeling his stomach knot up at the sight of her. Her face was bruised slightly around the temple area and she had a large bandage around her head. As he approached her bed, he felt the overwhelming emotions come to the surface as he reached for her hand, sitting next to her as the sobs emanated from deep within.

Looking up, he scanned her body and the IV drip leading to her arm, noticing the fetal heart monitor that created a steady beep-beep-beep in tune with the baby's heart rate. His sense of relief washed over him as he realized that he would not lose either one of them and he found himself saying another silent thank you.

As he watched, Sara's eyes opened and she looked at him, confusion clouding her momentarily "Hi" She said hoarsely

He was crying; he knew he was but he could not seem to stop himself. Standing, he knelt down to kiss her softly, starting with her forehead and leading to her mouth, letting his lips linger "Don't you ever, ever scare me like this again" He ordered "_Ever_"

"The baby's okay" She said groggily "She's okay, right?"

He nodded, his forehead against hers "She's wonderful" He sniffled "Can't you hear her heart?"

She was quiet, her eyes closing momentarily "Yeah...." She breathed drifting into sleep

He kissed her again, feeling the tears as they slid down his cheeks. "I love you, Sara" He said softly, kissing her forehead once again "So very much...I don't think you know...you are my whole life."

"I love you too, Gilbert..." She murmured in reply, her breathing leveling out.

He waited a few moments before sitting back down, her hand clasped in his as he too felt himself overcome by exhaustion, drifting into a light sleep in the chair next to her; the comforting sound of their baby's heart beat filling the room.


	13. Chapter 13

**Almost to the end. Thanks to all for keeping up with this story and for reviewing

* * *

  
**

"I don't know" Sara said, peering into the bathroom mirror "I still think you can see it"

Nick looked at her, shrugging "I don't see it" he said "I think you just _want_ to see it"

"I am missing an entire patch of hair, Nicholas" She snapped back, referring to the large area where the doctors had stapled her scalp back together "How can you _not_ see it?"

He rolled his eyes, grabbing his cologne from the medicine cabinet "Look," he said "I don't care how close you came to dying; don't call me Nicholas"

She smiled, still examining her head "Nicholas _James_...."

Grabbing her shoulders, he gently moved her out of his way and shoved her from the bathroom "Go wait in the living room" He ordered "I can't get ready with you standing here in my way..you take up half my bathroom"

She jutted her lip out, ignoring him "You can get dressed in your bedroom" She protested

"And you can sit your butt on my couch and wait until I am done" he said as he grinned at her, closing the door as she turned to argue. "And stay the hell out of my food!"

He laughed as he imagined the look on her face, waiting for a response. When there was none, he could hear her in the kitchen, knowing she was rummaging for whatever snacks she could find. _Damn her_ He thought _She's gonna eat the licorice again_

It was late July, three weeks after the accident. Sara had spent 4 days under observation, being sent home only after they were sure her preterm labor had stopped. She had suffered from a concussion and still took a mild pain medication for headaches; she had, of course, insured that whatever she took could not harm the baby.

The dam-bursting effects of Ecklie's decision to send Sara out into the field that day had cost him dearly. His capability as an objective leader had been called into question and the department was considering dismissal based on conduct unbecoming a law enforcement official. He had, they said, used prejudicial judgment in his treatment of Sara and it had nearly cost her and her unborn child their lives. That and he was facing charges for negligence and unlawful use of administrative power.

In his absence, Gil had been asked to be acting Assistant Lab Director; he was reluctant to accept. He enjoyed his job, he liked working with the crew and he did not want to spend his days tied to paperwork. The only positive to the position, aside from a hefty pay increase, was his ability to be at home with Sara at night. He had agreed to accept it temporarily, giving them time to find someone else to fill the position

Nick came out of the bathroom, wiping his face with a towel. Seeing Sara in the kitchen he smiled "How do you always find the licorice?"

"You don't hide it well" She smiled back, sticking another link of red licorice in her mouth "I'm pregnant...you do not hide food from pregnant women"

"Not from you, that's for sure" he commented, taking the tub of red licorice from her "You are like the godzilla of oink"

"I am feeding another person" She said, grabbing the can of Root Beer she'd gotten from the refrigerator "It isn't my fault she eats a lot"

He laughed "Sure. It's easy to blame the baby because she can't defend herself"

She smiled at him, grabbing another licorice from the container before he had a chance to put the lid on "Are you even ready to go yet? Or are you still prettying yourself up for Sofia?"

"I am not prettying myself up" he said as she grabbed her car keys "I just wanted a shower after work"

"Uh-huh" She commented as she opened the front door "And that is exactly why you're wearing that expensive Bouchern por Homme cologne"

He smiled as he closed the door behind them "You bought it for me"

Putting her sunglasses on she grinned at him over her shoulder "Yeah, I thought it might help you get lucky"

* * *

To Sara, it seemed that everything was working out fine. She had picked Nick up at his apartment, making sure he rode with her so as to give Sofia an excuse to take him home. He did not know it, but the two women had planned that part out.

Unknown to Sara, Nick was having a difficult time. He saw Sofia every day at work, talked to her over decomposing flesh, even spent hours in the desert collecting blow flies from a corpse. But sitting next to her, in such close 'off the clock' proximity was making him sweat.

They were at Cirque de Soleil at the Mirage, Sara having twisted his arm to get him to go. He knew that Sofia was going, what he did not know was that Sara had planned it so that they sat alone while Sara sat with Greg across the theater. Yeah, he could just about throttle her right then. He made a mental note to get even with her, somehow, after the baby was born. Picking on a pregnant woman was one thing, but your best friend? Everyone did that

It wasn't bad enough that he had spilled a drink in Sofia's lap, it also wasn't bad enough that he tried to wipe it up with his hand. _His hand._ What was worse was the proximity of the spill to her somewhat private region. He felt like a fool...a fool with his hand dangerously close to the forbidden zone

Sofia had only laughed, thanking him for breaking the ice. She was nervous, too, she said and thought that Sara was quietly plotting her demise. He had smiled, feeling some relief. Still, the overwhelming urge to find Sara Sidle in the crowd pinch her was strong. After the show, they all went out for drinks. For Sara, it was lemon lime soda with a slice of citrus. For the others, it was mixed drinks and tequila shots. By the time they left the casino, Nick's head was floating and he felt almost giddy; hugging Sara as he thanked her for a wonderful evening Instead of Sofia driving him home, Sara dropped him off. He had seen to it that he walked Sofia to her door, nervously thanking her for a 'wonderful' evening as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. To his surprise, he asked her out again and she accepted. This time, they agreed, they would leave their matchmaker at home. He made arrangements to pick her up the next day so that they could get her car from the parking lot at the casino, where she'd left it after matching his tequila shooter he got back into the car with Sara, he smiled over at her. "You are the best friend in the world" He said, his words only slightly slurred "I love you"She smiled "Thanks. I love you too"

"Sofia's pretty hot" He continued, feeling his head swirling

Sara laughed "You're drunk"

"I am that" He nodded "But, yer still my best friend"

She was quiet, thinking that if she did not talk he would get tired and fall asleep. It didn't work "You know I used to wanna be with you, right?" He continued "Years ago..." He waved his hand in front of him as if giving an example "But you loved Grissom and I hated him..._hated_ him."

"Nick, you're drunk" She said "You probably don't want to tell me this right now"

"No, see? Now is when I want to tell you this...'cause I'm drunk" He continued "I love you. I really do, Sara. I have always loved you...but I always knew you belonged to someone else so...you are my best friend" He shrugged "I figured, if you couldn't be my girl, you should at least be my best friend, right?"

"Nick..."

"Sara..."

"You like Sofia."

"I do" He agreed drunkenly "She's hot"

She smiled, glad that he was off the topic "You two going out again?"

"Yep" He nodded, his head resting on the headrest. As he started to close his eyes, he said: "You know I almost wished that I was the one you were having a baby with" He said "It didn't seem fair to me...I was the one who loved you and you were havin' some other guys kid. And he didn't even care...if I'd have been the one, I'd have jumped for joy. I never would'a hurt you like he did, Sara. I never would'a made you cry"

"Nick, come on" She said soothingly "You are not thinking straight right now..."

"Maybe..." He slurred "But at least I can tell you how I feel"

"You'll hate yourself tomorrow" She warned

"Ahhh, but it is not tomorrow..." He continued "And I just want you to know that I'd have been there for you, Sara. I'd have helped you raise the baby...kind of sappy, huh?" He asked, continuing before she could finish "I didn't want him to come back. I hoped he'd just disappear...I wanted you to be happy, but I wanted you to be happy with me...it didn't work out"

Sara felt increasingly uncomfortable, unsure how to respond. He was drunk and Nick always got overly emotionally dramatic when he was drunk. Always.

"When I found Grissom was the dad, I felt like you kicked me in the gut" he proceeded "I really, really never saw that comin'..."

"You have to get over that, Nick" She tried "You have to"

"No, I don't" he countered "But I can accept it and move on." He was quiet a few moments, looking out the window "I can see how much he loves you, Sara. And I can see how much he wants to take care of the two of you, how much you mean to him. And that makes me happy. All I want is for someone to take care of you and love you...and _appreciate_ you. If I can't be the guy you are with, I want the guy who is to know what he has...I guess I finally realize that Grissom knows he has the whole world in his hands, I just hope he appreciates it"

Sara felt relief as she pulled up in front of his apartment building, turning to him "You need to get some sleep, Nicky..." She said, careful to avoid responding to his confession. "Drink a lot of water before you go to bed. It helps with hang overs"

He leaned over, kissing her cheek "I really do love you, Sara" He said "And I think that Gil Grissom is a damn lucky man"

She didn't say anything, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks "Good night, Nicky"

He smiled at her, opening the door "Good night, Darlin'"

She waited until he was safely inside before heading down the highway to her apartment, knowing that Gil was probably sound asleep by then. She knew she would never tell him about the conversation or how Nick really felt; all it would do, she knew, was stove the already bitter feelings between the two most important men in her life.

* * *

Gil felt her crawl into bed, the gentle scent of her Vanilla Amber body oil filling his scenes. Glancing at the clock, he noted it was just after 2 AM

"Long night?" He asked as he rolled over to pull her close, kissing her shoulder

She yawned. "They were all quite inebriated" She replied "I'm sorry I woke you"

"No fun being with a group of drunks when you yourself are not drunk" He replied sleepily, kissing her shoulder again as his right arm fell across her abdomen, rubbing it softly.

"Tell me about it." She said, thinking of Nick.

She lay there awake, staring up at the ceiling as the muted light from the moon outside cast shadows across the room, listening as his breathing leveled out as he drifted back into sleep. She lay there for over 30 minutes, feeling as the baby turned a few times before finally settling down, Gil's arm still protectively around her.

She thought about Nick and what he said. Would she have been with him, if things had been different? She knew she loved Nick; he was her best friend. But, had she ever been _in_ love with him, even for a moment?

She looked over at Gil, the smoothness of his forehead, the gentle brush of his nose, his lips in sleep and knew the answer. She never felt for anyone what she felt for Gil and lying there with him she realized that he was the only man in her entire life that ever had been, and always would be, truly..infatuatingly... in love with

* * *

She had been off work for 4 weeks now and the monotony of daily life was about to drive her insane. The doctors had ordered her to 'strict light duty' after releasing her from the hospital, telling Gil she was to be off of work for at least a week before returning. They recommended that she refrain from any working until the birth

He, of course, took that to the extreme and put her on leave indefinitely; telling her that she could go back to work after her maternity leave was up. She had been irritated with him. After all, he knew she wasn't planning on returning to the lab

_"That is excessive abuse of power" She had argued with him a week after being released from the hospital. She had come into the lab, hoping to be assigned to something, anything. As she stood in his new 'temporary' office, she felt frustrated at his refusal to budge. "Are you doing this because you are the father or because you're my boss?"_

_"Both," He sighed "I cannot risk having you back here at work; even on light duty. What will you do?"_

_She shrugged "I don't know, shred paper?" She tried "Gil, I process... **process**...even a monkey can do that"_

_"You are not a monkey." He replied, looking at her over the rim of his glasses. "You are a very pregnant woman who nearly died and who is still at risk of premature labor. You need to be home until the baby comes"_

_She glared at him "I hate it when you pull that tone with me"_

_"What tone?"_

_"That whole **'I'm your boss and you'll do what I say'** tone" She crossed her arms over her chest_

_"I **am** your boss and you **will** do what I say" He had shot back in a soft tone. "I am also the man who loves you, and I need you to be safe"_

_"I can be safe processing evidence"_

_He sighed "Your doctor backs me up on this Sara"_

_"My doctor just wants to be on your good side" She replied "I don't want to stay home for 4 weeks, Gilbert"_

_"And I don't want you going into pre-term labor in the middle of the lab!" He had been firm, unrelenting "It isn't worth the risk, Sara. You know that...you also know that legally I can not permit you to work; not after your doctor has indicated otherwise. Despite our relationship, I cannot cross that boundary. Even if I could, I would not. I won't risk you or our baby just so you will not be bored"_

_She let out a long breath "I knew I should not have went in for that check up"_

_He nodded "You need to be safe" He said "And so does our daughter. If you had not been in the accident, you could work until the day you deliver...but..." He shrugged "things are different...your situation is compromised. You know I would not do this to you otherwise"_

_She smiled at him; God, he was cute "Okay" She said "But I will whine about it every day"_

_Smiling back, he gazed at her "I count on it"_


	14. Chapter 14

**I do not own CSI. I like to play with the characters and am happy to report that this is second to last chapter. One more and it is done. Enjoy.

* * *

**"Oh, my God!" Sofia exclaimed, rushing over to one of the racks in Macy's "Sara, look at this!" She grabbed a tiny little pink dress covered in brown polka dots a little pink bow tied to the middle "That is so cute!"

Sara smiled, reaching out to feel the soft velvet fabric. "That is so small." She said

Catherine joined them, her arms laden with clothes "No, it isn't" She commented "The baby won't even fit into anything like that until Christmas"

Sara sighed; this was not helping her. They had gone shopping to help her pick out an outfit to wear that evening to the National Entomological Society's annual conference, which was being held for the very first time in Vegas; it was also the first time that Gil had been invited to be a guest speaker. Sara was nervous; she wanted to impress his colleagues and knew that her normal 'maternity' wardrobe would just not suffice

Catherine watched her as she shuffled through the racks of formal blouses, noting the way she would occasionally put a hand to her lower back "You okay, Sara?" She asked

"Yeah" She sighed "My back's a bit sore, but I guess it is just par for the course"

Catherine and Sofia traded glances "How long has it been sore?"

Sara shrugged "Since this morning" She replied, noticing the way they were looking at her "What?"

"You know, a lot of labor begins with lower back pain." Sofia said, glancing again at Catherine

"Well, I am not in labor" Sara replied. "I still have over a week before my due date"

"You could be early" Sofia chided "That is not uncommon"

Sara rolled her eyes at them "My back hurts because I am packing around this 20 pound bowling ball in front" She replied "I would know if I were in labor"

Catherine shook her head, eyebrows raise "My labor started with back pain" She said "Didn't even realize I was in labor until my water broke...had Lindsey 4 hours later"

Sara looked down "Well, I am pretty sure I am not having this baby right now" She replied, grabbing a sleeveless blouse "I can't have her right now; tonight's a huge night for Gil..."

"I bet it will be" Catherine laughed as she went with Sara to the changing room

* * *

She rushed out of the bathroom, trying to get the earring into her left ear. She was beginning to wonder if Catherine were right about the back pain; it had grown steadily worse throughout the day. But, she would know if she were in labor, right? Somehow, given her track record of even knowing she was pregnant in the first place, she almost doubted that

Gil had been sitting at the computer, busy going over his speech once again as she came out. He stood, gazing at her "Wow" He said "You look lovely"

She smiled, looking down at herself. She had bought a pair of nice black slacks with a gray sleeveless blouse, the rounded neckline accentuating her long neck. She had pulled her hair up into a bun, tiny wisps of curls fell around her face. "Thanks" She said. "I look fat"

"No," He shook his head, coming to take her hands as he kissed her softly "You, My Dear, are stunning"

She did not tell him about the back pain or what Catherine and Sofia had said. Tonight was a big night for him; he was nervous and worrying about a little bit of lower back pain in his very pregnant girlfriend would only make it worse.

They made it to the event and Sara felt somewhat like a large duck wandering around with Gil. Everyone there seemed so elegant, educated, slim; she stood next to him feeling as though she were an overfilled semi.

Gil, of course, was overly courteous to the other attendees. On several occasions he would squeeze Sara's hand as he introduced her to colleagues, happily answering their questions about the upcoming birth. She thought it somewhat curious that he never called her 'fiancé' or 'girlfriend'; avoiding both terms by calling her "My Sara".

At one point, he leaned close to her ear and murmured "I cannot express how proud I am to have you here with me" he kissed her cheek "Thank you"

They sat at a rather large table with two other couples, Sara feeling increasingly uncomfortable. She was not uncomfortable with the group any longer, but more uncomfortable with the physical sensations running through her body. Her back hurt; not just a low grade ache but more of a growing stab; she tried to ignore it, absorbing herself in conversation but it became almost impossible

As their food arrived, she stared at the plate trying to will herself to take just one bite. Gil would be speaking in 30 minutes and she wanted to just make it through his speech before vomiting all over the table; God, she wished Catherine were there.

Just as she went to pick up her fork, it hit her. Gasping, she stopped, her eyes wide as she felt a sharp pain radiate from between her legs up through her abdomen and across the sides.

Gil looked at her "Sara?" He asked, his voice filled with concern "Are you alright?"

Her cheeks were flushed, she knew they were._ Not here_ She begged _Oh, God...please not here_ "I, uh..." She looked around the table, feeling the heat in her cheeks as the pain subsided "Yeah...It's, uh...I'm fine"

He watched her cautiously, reaching for her hand. "Do we need to leave?" He asked knowingly

She shook her head, more aggressively than he would have liked "It's fine, Gil"

One of the other women at the table (Lois, Louise...Sara couldn't remember) spoke "You could be in labor" She said hopefully. "Dr. Grissom said you are due in a week..."

Sara looked at her, trying to smile "I think I'm fine" she replied in embarrassment

Just as she finished that statement, with Gil's eyes still focused on her, another sharp knife seared her and she gasped again despite herself, squeezing his hand hard involuntarily "I think we need to go" he said hurriedly, beginning to stand.

She stopped him, pulling on his hand "No" She whispered "Your speech, Gilbert...you worked so hard on it"

He glanced around the table quickly, one of the men speaking "He's having a baby...I think they'll forgive him a speech"

With that, Gil stood to grab her arm, gently helping her stand up. Sara had never been so embarrassed in her entire life, feeling tears in her eyes as she realized others were watching them. Just as she got to her feet, she was hit with another wave that nearly doubled her over and she grabbed his arm to steady herself; suddenly feeling very scared

"Honey?"

She nodded "I think we're having a baby..."

She heard someone call for their car as others either congratulated or wished them luck as the passed their tables. Sara busied herself with concentrating on walking, the searing pain between her legs becoming almost unbearable.

"I am so sorry" She began crying as he climbed in the driver's seat next to her "I have the worst timing..."

He did not say anything, his own nervous adrenaline making him unable to respond. Instead, he grabbed her hand as he sped into traffic, nearly colliding with another vehicle. She did not notice "I don't think this is something you can time"

She laughed "No...." Another wave hit her and she grabbed the arm rest, her body tensing

"Breathe, Sara..." He ordered having no idea what he was really doing. There was absolutely no possible way he was even remotely prepared for this; he was 50 years old, nearly 51 and his fiancé was having a baby.

_His baby._

_Right now_.

He was having a daughter. _Right now._

A little baby

A squirming, wiggling, breathing new human being that he would be responsible for

And he had absolutely, completely, unequivocally, no idea what the hell he was supposed to do

There would be diapers and bottles and..._Oh, God_...the birth...

Gil suddenly felt like he were going to vomit...or pass out...or both

He had no idea what he was doing, they never went to any birthing classes, didn't watch the videos...neither of them had even been remotely associated with anyone who had given birth aside from Catherine and he had been away at a seminar when she and Eddie had Lindsey. And Sara didn't even know Catherine then so she _really_ had no idea what she was doing

And it was his job, his responsibility, to help her.

_Shit, they were screwed_

"Gil?" Sara's voice snapped him out of his own growing panic "You're going kind of fast..."

He looked at the speedometer, realizing he was going over three times the speed limit. Releasing the pressure on the accelerator, he squeezed her hand "Sorry"

"I need my bag" She told him, her newest contraction having stopped

"What?" He glanced at her

"My bag...the overnight bag" She insisted "You know, the one with the baby's clothes and my clothes? For the hospital?"

He was clueless; utterly, completely clueless "What?"

"You picked out her outfit" She smiled at his panic "It's at the apartment...the duffel bag?"

"We can't stop!" He insisted as though she were daft "You're having a baby!"

She smiled wider "_You_ are terrified..." She said "Aren't you?"

"What?"

Before she could respond, another contraction hit her and she bent forward gasping "Oh, God...this is not good...this is definitely not good..."

"Sara?...Breathe, Honey...you have to breathe..."

She was crying again, her own panic rising as she felt another contraction hit her "...I don't want to do this, Gil...I don't want to do this..."

He had his phone out and she heard him telling Catherine to grab Sara's bag from their apartment and meet them at the hospital, hanging up before Catherine could respond. He reached for her hand again, holding it tight "It's alright" He said "We're almost there"

They pulled up to the hospital and he was out, rushing in to grab a wheelchair before running back out, opening her door and reaching in for her. He paused only long enough to kiss her forehead, murmuring "It'll be alright" Before helping her into the chair and whisking her off through the front doors.


	15. Chapter 15

**Here is the last chapter for this story! Finally! I am not so sure I am as pleased with it as I would have liked and it still seems to need 'something'. Might possibly do an 'epilogue' to tie it all up. Thanks to everyone for sticking with it and reading it; hope that you do not find it all too "cheesy".**

**I do not own CSI. I like to borrow the characters and mess with their heads, though.**

* * *

The buzz of activity that occurred as soon as they got inside the hospital was overwhelming. Gil wasn't sure if he was frightened, nervous or just downright petrified

Honestly, he thought it was all of the above

First came checking her into the hospital, which meant insurance information and contacting her doctor along with a myriad of other questions. Gil had to admit he felt a little bit inane when they asked if he was her husband and he could not say yes; that was a position he should have been in by this point

That put her down as a single woman giving birth; he did not like that

She was checked into a room, changed into a hospital gown and hooked up to an IV and monitoring system within 15 minutes of arrival. Her doctor arrived after 30 minutes, checking her for dilation and telling them that she was 'progressing well' before leaving the room.

She had adamantly refused any sort of pain medication, including full-out declining the use of an Epidural. Truth be told, Sara was terrified of the prospect of having a needle in her spine; to her, that was more terrifying than the labor itself.

Or so she thought

The nurse took the time to explain to them what was going on. Explaining as she went how the monitor on Sara's abdomen would not only track and record both Sara's and the baby's heart rate but also the length and intensity of Sara's contractions. "We need them up around the 100 mark to be effective" She said as she took Sara's temperature, patting her leg as she walked towards the door.

Smiling at Gil's suit and tie she said, "You dressed up pretty nice to have a baby, huh?"

He looked down; he'd forgotten about the suit "Oh...I...no..."

The nurse smiled at him, seeing the look of absolute panic on his face. "These babies always pick the strangest times to show up" She said as she left the room "Sometimes I think they plan it"

Gil stood, somewhat awkwardly, next to Sara. Looking down, he saw the rim of tears in her eyes. Bending down, he placed his lips to her forehead, smoothing a hand through her hair "Are you scared?"

She nodded "Are you?"

He wanted to tell her he was petrified; that he felt as though his legs would give out on him as he bolted for the door. He wanted to tell her that his heart was racing, his palms were sweaty and he had a horrible ache in the pit of his stomach He wanted to tell her that this was the single most frightening thing he had ever done, that nothing, aside from her accident, had ever scared him more.

Instead, he kissed her softly and lied "I am absolutely wonderful"

"I'm sorry about your speech" She said "I know you worked hard on it; I was looking forward to hearing you give it." She paused to smile at him "You look so amazing, too..."

He kissed the back of her hand "I would rather be here with you right now than anywhere else in the world" he said "That was just a speech; this is a life changing event"

Within two hours, Catherine had stopped by to drop off Sara's duffel bag along with a change of clothes for Gil. He was relieved that she had brought him a pair of comfortable sweats and his favorite Hope University T-shirt. She had hinted at wanting to stay in the delivery room with them, but Gil had graciously sent her away to wait with Greg and Warrick in the foyer.

After nearly six hours since being admitted, Sara's contractions were coming closer together, averaging only 2 minutes between. She was becoming weary and irritable and the best he could do was hold her hand, speak to her softly and feed her ice chips.

"You are doing great, Honey" He whispered at one point, sitting on the edge of the bed with her as he softly ran fingers through her hair, his thumb gently stroking her forehead "I know you are exhausted..."

"I can't do another one" She cried, a tear rolling down the side of her cheek "A baby, I mean...I'm sorry....I can't do any more...."

He reached down, feeling miserable at seeing her pain, wiping the tear as it rolled towards her ear, murmuring softly to her. "Shhhhh...its okay..."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, she tensed up as another wave hit her and the death grip she had on his hand became excruciating; he really had no idea she could be that strong. He began to help her breathe through it, using the technique the nurse had taught him. Watching the monitor, he noted that the strength was over 101 and it lasted much longer than any other did; he found himself amazed yet again at her bravery

The door opened and the doctor was there, smiling at her as the nurse followed him in "Do you feel like you need to push yet, Sara?" He asked, grabbing some gloves

She shook her head "I don't know..." she said miserably

"Remember what I told you. If you need to push, you'll know" He continued, scooting a stool to the foot of the bed "When you feel that urge, you need to tell me right away. Let's see how far along you are"

Gil almost winced himself as Sara gripped his hand while the doctor checked her cervix once again for dilation, her eyes squeezed shut as she gritted her teeth. "Good!" Her doctor exclaimed "Almost there, Sara! You are at a nine...I can feel the baby's head..."

Sara had the overwhelming urge to kick him. The pain she was feeling was intense, as though someone were ripping her apart starting with her groin area and what he was doing only made it worse. She felt, suddenly, a very odd warm sensation between her legs that mingled with the pain "Ahhh..." Her doctor said as the nurse handed him some towels "Your water just broke..."

"_SHIT!!"_ Sara suddenly screamed out "_Please!!...God, please...stop..."_

She began crying as another contraction hit her, pulling on Gil's arm as though she could pull it right off as she essentially tried to climb up his body. "Please, Gilbert..." She begged, sobbing as she looked up at him, the contraction climbing up over the previous one.

"What the hell are you doing to her!?" He asked in desperation, smoothing her hair out of her face to try and calm her

The doctor barely looked up, still busying himself with torturing Sara. "This baby is going to be here any minute" He replied "I am making sure the amniotic sac is ruptured completely"

"Won't it take care of that on its own?" Gil nearly snapped, feeling himself as though he could go and remove the man from his crouched position to throw him from the room. Couldn't he see the pain he was causing her?

He looked up at Gil "I know this is hard, but unless I do this your baby could inhale some of the fluid...I'm sorry"

Gil bent, his lips close to her ear as he kissed her repeatedly, lovingly. "Breathe, Honey..." He said soothingly, kissing her cheek softly, his lips lingering on her skin "Come on...take a deep breath..."

"Try to relax, Sara" Her doctor said from his position at the foot of the bed, the nurse putting a hand on her knee. "Breathe through it..."

"_You relax!"_ She snapped angrily through her tears _"Just get this thing out of me!"_

"Sweetheart..." Gil kissed her forehead as the contraction reached its peak "You can do this...you're almost done...come on, Sweetheart"

She was inconsolable, writhing in pain as one contraction ended and yet another began and she began to wail; a sound that Gil had never heard from her before. It was heart wrenching; and he never, ever wanted to hear it again. "Come on, Honey..." He said, his own helplessness intensifying "Breathe....come on..."

His mind was racing; he heard of women dying during childbirth. He wondered if this was what it was like. _This_ was horrible; this was absolutely horrible. There had to be an easier way to have a baby.

Finally, she began to settle, breathing with him for only a few breaths before nearly screaming, _"I have to push!! Please.... I have to push..."_

"Okay..." Her doctor said, re-positioning himself as the nurse secured Sara's legs "This is it...Push, Sara..."

Gil helped her sit up slightly, his arm around her shoulder as she maintained an incredibly painful hold on his hand. To his amazement, she knew exactly what to do and gritted her teeth while she pushed, her doctor counting up to 10 as she did so.

"Okay, now relax..." He said as Sara collapsed against Gil, her head on his shoulder. She was sweating, her hair wet against her face as she caught her breath.

"Deep breaths, Sweety" The nurse told her, demonstrating as she did "Nice deep breaths...good, Sweety"

"Ready to push again, Sara?" The doctor asked

She nodded and began pushing again, her doctor counting again as he told her he could feel the head, keep pushing. She caught another quick break, falling against Gil again as he kissed her temple before the urge to push came again, this time the doctor holding it out longer.

"Here comes the head, Sara!" He exclaimed and as Gil watched, he could see the very top of the baby's head begin to crown as Sara pushed harder. "Push! Push! Push!" The doctor exclaimed as a tiny head appeared. "Okay, now breathe..."

Gil felt tears in his eyes as Sara took a few more deep breaths against his shoulder. "One more big push, Sara and we'll have a baby..."

As she pushed, Gil suddenly didn't feel her grip on his hand, the sounds around him became muted as he watched their tiny daughter slip into the world and into the hands of Sara's doctor.

There was only a very brief pause in time until Isabella Catherine's cry filled the room and Gil felt everything around him disappear as he stared, awe struck, at the tiny infant in the hands of Sara's doctor. He watched, as though from a very far distance, as the doctor suctioned her mouth, her tiny arms flailing about for a moment in angry protest.

He felt Sara relax in his arms, her body trembling as the exhaustion overtook her. "Oh, my God..." He breathed as he glanced at Sara, who was crying softly. He took her face in his hands, kissing her lips softly "I love you" He said "I'm so proud of you..."

They looked over just as the nurse brought the baby towards them, laying her gently across Sara's chest as she continued wiping off her face "Meet your little daughter" She told them, smiling "She is a beauty..."

Sara gingerly wrapped an arm around the baby, reaching with her other hand to touch her cautiously, as though she would break from the slightest touch "Hi..." She whispered in a tone Gil had never heard before. "Hi, Sweety..." She looked up at him as he sat next to her on the bed, scooting close to wrap his arms around her as she began crying a little harder as she touched the baby's smooth dark hair "She has so much hair..."

He squeezed Sara tight, kissing the top of her head as he too, reached down to take Isabella's tiny hand in his, counting each little finger as she began to squeal. Her eyes were open as she took in the world for the very first time, squealing in tiny little squeaks up at them. When Sara lifted the baby delicately to kiss her forehead, the reality of the situation hit him and he felt the choking lump in his throat

_His girls._

These were his girls.

And as he held them both, he couldn't help but feel like his life had only just begun.


End file.
